You may remember the glowing blog about my sister a day or two ago. Now it's time to talk about my brother, Kevin. I love him dearly. He is a flippin' hoot and if you ever need someone to make you laugh, he is your man! On the flip side of this statement, when he is done making you laugh he might just tie you up to a couch with a telephone cord and stuff his dirty socks in your mouth. True story people.
When I was little my brother was mean to me every chance he had - my perception of course. He especially loved when I had my friends over (HA!) and they were also subject to random acts of meanness and yet we all loved him. Now I am not saying that in his teenage mind we didn't' deserve to be tortured. In hindsight, I know I deserved some of it. I, being the precious baby of the family, loved to tattle-tale on him for every little infraction. I would tell my parents or Tammy, who would always defend me. He would get in trouble and then I had to be on the lookout because I just knew that his retaliation was just around the corner. You can see the vicious circle this would cause.
Now when he was a teenager and I was just a little thing he would take me for rides on his bike and smoke. I would immediately rat him out. Why? I don't know...anything to get him in trouble. You read how mean he was to me!
Okay, now fast forward to me being about 14 years old, Kevin back home after his divorce. By this time I didn't think he was so mean anymore, he was an opportunity waiting to happen. First of all, he would drive me to school. Secondly, he smoked but I didn't discover this was a perk until a little while later. Lastly, he was actually cool. What we are going to focus on here is secondly.
One day I was just meandering around the house and discovered that he had left his cigarettes on top of the microwave. SCORE! I immediately called my best friend and told her to meet me at Asbury Elementary. She did and we smoked. I am pretty sure that neither of us inhaled but we thought we were the shit-zu, that's for sure. Thinking back on this, wow, I was a bad influence on my friends! However, she was a willing participant, I didn't twist her arm or anything! Michelle and I have had lots of bad ideas together over the years so I think it balances out. Anyway, we stole lots of cigarettes from him over the years.
I pretty much smoked from then on. I married a man who despised smoking. I have heard about his years and years of torture being around his Dad's smoking. How he would break and hide his Dad's cigarettes. Poor Tim, that's who I felt sorry for when Scott was telling me about all the things he had done to him. You know, now that I think about it, Scott must really have loved me considering I was an "offender" and he married me anyway. Oh and here's a funny thing, one year for some insignificant holiday Scott me a gift bag that contained an awesome black Zippo lighter accompanied with an American Lung Association "Quit Smoking" tape. I am laughing right now thinking about this. What exactly are you wanting me to do here? Smoke? Quit? I don't know what that meant but I continued with smoking. What would be the point in having that beautiful lighter?
I quit smoking while I was pregnant with all of my girls. I lasted 5 months post-natal after the twins and then I just couldn't stand it anymore. Raising twins was hard work and what else can make me feel better than my precious nicotine? NOTHING and I hadn't discovered my love for the Captain yet.
Things take a drastic turn after 9/11. Scott gets activated with the Army National Guard soon after and began "recreational" smoking. By recreational smoking I mean he smoked on occasion to pass time. When his time was done with that activation he went back to not smoking at all. Then he got activated again a little under a year later (if my mind serves me correctly and we all know my mind can't be trusted....). He was sent to Wisconsin for a few moments before heading to Kuwait and finally Iraq. Apparently his disdain for smoking was over. By the time he came home from Iraq he was a full fledged smoker. SCORE for the smoking team! WOOT WOOT! Of course, I got pregnant with Olivia the very week he came home (By the way, he swears that she is the Schwan man's baby) and had to stop my addiction. I saw this as opportunity to pay him back for all of his snide remarks over the years about my smoking. Somehow he failed to see the humor in my constant nagging at him about smoking. Paybacks are a bitch buddy!
Much to my shock and dismay, I ended up pregnant again with Sarah and continued to refrain from smoking. I was happy about not smoking. After awhile though, I just couldn't be around the smoking without craving one. My nagging at him had gone from sport to pleading. I really wanted him to quit because I didn't want to do start. But here's what happened, my sweet little twins had become eye-rolling, snot nose brats and I couldn't deal with them and two toddlers without help. This is when I discovered my unwavering love for Captain Morgan. I found an outlet for my stress, Mom's Night Out with my Michelle (Our group has expanded over the past year and a half). One night the table's turned and she offered me a cigarette. The circle of life I tell ya!
In conclusion, smoking is an addiction. You can run but you can't hide and if you are not a smoker, you just can't and won't get it. Also, my brother now tortures my kids - who should be thankful that phones are primarily cordless these days, and dates Michelle. I hope he smokes her cigarettes on occasion...I am sure she owes him a few!
Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity
P.S. My kids are running around naked right now.
I love that mofo.
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