If I remember correctly - you have to know I re-read yesterday's blog to figure out where to start today. I can't remember if I had breakfast today let alone where I stopped in my story last night - I left off with getting ready for Abigail's dance competition.
While I ran to get my second round of antibiotics my sister graciously curled Abigail's hair for me. Thanks Sissy! Of course, I still had to do her make-up and make sure she actually had all of her necessary items for competition. Just in case you are unaware, if SHE forgot something, it will be MY fault. Here's the thing people, I am not what one would call vain in the sense that I am not into hair and make-up. Occassionally I will put on make-up to go out with my girlfriends but that's about it. How I have a daughter that is into something which requires hair, make-up, accessories and costumes is beyond me. Everytime I am doing her make-up I am thinking "What the hello kitty? I can barely do my own eyeliner!"
We get downtown late. I get her to where she needs to be and find myself and the little ones a place to sit. Now, I actually do enjoy the dance competitions, I am going to tell you why - I secretly wish that I was ballerina! I dance around the house all the time and my kids make fun of me. I just wish they could be more supportive of my dream! Seriously though these dance competitions can be quite entertaining on more than level. Yes these kids have some amazing talent but some of their dances are "WOW". You might see a group doing a beautiful lyrical dance and the next an upbeat jazz number. Sometimes, like today's performance, you will see one that makes you think, "What in God's name were these people thinking?"
Let me set the scene for you ; Age group - 11 - 13 year olds, Prop - large circular zebra print couch, Costumes - high heels, hot pink bikini covered with a ripped up, yeah, I don't know what you'd call it, cover over it. Music - Updated version of Locomotion. Do I need to continue describing this for you? The best way to tell you how inappropriate this dance was is to tell you that the family in front of us took their 12 year old son out of the auditorium until it was over. I waited until it was over to go to the bathroom to check out the swelling on my face. In any case, it would be over my dead body that my 11 year old daughter would participate in a dance like that - period.
After we were done with the competition we went over to The Spaghetti Warehouse because we were hungry. Why else does one go somewhere to eat? Also because I can not open my mouth more than 1/2 an inch and pasta is a "soft" food. In case you were wondering, The South Beach Diet is on the backburner until I can open my mouth again. In true form my little ones had to visit the bathroom several times while we were there which actually made me happy for once because it gave me a chance to look at my enlarged face - You know you just can't ignore something like that! What if my face got bigger? How would I know if I hadn't constantly checked on it?
As you know, we were back and forth to the bathroom several times. If someone could tell me why my five year od robbed me of the opportunity to check my facial swelling by peeing under the table I would greatly appreciate it! Quite frankly, it's just beyond my comprehension.
Finally home and my bestie Michelle came over to visit me. I warned her of my Elephant man look before she came over. What kind of friend would I be if I had not warned her? I think had she come over and noticed it herself it would have robbed me of the opportunity to obsess about it more. She was very sweet about it when she exclaimed, "MAN YOU WERE NOT KIDDING!" Of course I appreciated her confirmation of the situation. She is great and this is what I love about all my friends - they NEVER lie to make me feel better.
So in conclusion, she brought me a very cool jumbo magnet that says, "Quite Frankly, I don't give a shit!". I love it and her. Of course, while I was sitting here my three old brought it to me and asked what it said. I told her, "Quite frankly I dont' give a crap". Oh and in case you were wondering...My face is not back to it's normal size today but it is better...I have only had to look at it 67 times today!
Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity
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