My friends and I like to have fun. We are our own little posse, or at least that is my current term for referring to my group of friends. The posse includes the following people: Tammy (though for some reason we didn't take her with us and I am sure she will have a comment about that.), Jennifer, Michelle, Natalie, Myself and more recently Brad has been added to our group. He apparently likes to be tortured! The bottom line is we all like to hang out, laugh and yeah make fun of people, which is the exact behavior I discourage in my children. It's not nice to make fun of others...that is what we are suppose to tell our kids. Tthe truth of the matter is, it's fun. Which is exactly why I couldn't help but tell a young man last night that girls' do not like boys who wear salmon colored shorts. He quickly corrected me and said they were peach. He got them from J. Crew, which he said in a tone that indicated that I wouldn't know what J. Crew was. My response was as follows, "Honey, just because they sell peach colored shorts does not mean you have to buy them!" Seriously I was just trying to help the kid out.! But now I am just jumping ahead of myself...that happened towards the end of the evening.
Brad, wanted to go to this place called "The Big Bang" it was downtown in the Arena District. Now what you should know is that the majority of the posse, we aren't downtown girls. I guess this could be considered lacking in some way but we don't care. We are perfectly content at our little local pub. However, we were willing to step out on the edge and have a gander at what the big city might have to offer.
Michelle, Natalie and I got ready and started to head out at around 8:30pm. Since we aren't spring chickens anymore we had to make a quick pit stop at Smoothie Brews for a cup of joe before our big ole journey downtown. All the while, Jennifer and Brad are biting at the bit to get out, texting and leaving messages for us to get our astronauts over there immediately. Seriously? We are on our way.....calm yourselves. We finally get over to Jennifer's load up and head to The Big Bang. Thanks to Jennifer we got free parking and only had to walk a short way to the bar.
Let me set the scene; you walk down a set of steps and then you are in this piano bar. For those of you from around here, this place is just like Howl At The Moon that used to be in German Village. There are two pianos sitting across from each other and a set of drums...they play oldies and newbie songs alike. People sing along, dance and sometimes even acted crazy. Okay, this wasn't so bad and luckily three of us smoke so we could be safe in numbers and escape when necessary.
If you read my post earlier, you might appreciate that the following information about perfect strangers was gathered while I was outside smoking. Also, for those of you who have spent anytime around me know, I am completely incapable of meeting a stranger. I will literally talk to anyone. I love to listen to people talk - not in a creepy way. I just find people interesting and live vicariously through their experiences. Okay, cat's out of the bag, stay-at-home mom's need this kind of stimulation.
My first trip to the patio I met a woman who apparently never met a stranger either. She was a very attractive woman, dressed very trendy and I didn't notice her purse until she said, "I'm probably not going to get picked up carrying a bag with my kids' picture on it!" I laughed and said, "Probably not!". What I was really thinking was, "What the hello kitty? Who freakin' takes a purse with their kids' pictures on it out to a bar in the first place?" I don't even carry my regular "Mom" purse when I go out. Just then her husband comes around the corner and she says laughing, "Just kidding I am here with my husband!" Yeah, ok - still taking a purse with your kids on it out, just a little weird in my book. Honestly, I would be a nervous wreck with a purse like that at a bar. I'd be hearing their little voices in my head saying, "Mom! MOM! Can I have a drink? Can I have a snack? I'm hungry! Mom! She is......", you get the picture. I think it would only lead me to drink more.
My second trip to the patio for nicotine lead me to Clinton and James. Clinton and James were homosexuals and this was not an assumption, they told me as much. Actually, they told me they were fags. My conversation started with them simply because James needed a light. I think, no, I know these two were my favorites of all the people I met last night. What I found out from these two was this; Clinton was 27 years old and loved my new tattoo, he was one of three children and two out of three of them were homosexual and he has not yet come "out" to his Mother. Okay, I am just saying one could not miss the signs with this guy unless he has an alter ego that he uses around her. Clinton was a riot and had much better fashion sense than peach shorts boy. James, James was another interesting one to talk to. James was 26 years old and was going through a divorce. He has two daughters and got married because even though he knew he was gay he felt it was the right thing to do. He came out to his Mom in his late teens but she refuses to believe it. She thinks it's a phase - he is positive it isn't. I am on James' side on this one. I really don't think begging gay is something you outgrow. Oh and FYI, he said The Union is a great gay bar...just in case you wanted to know.
My next trip to the patio, was not so fruitful. Three guys, all of which seemed angry to me, and of course one of them, consequently the only half friendly one needed a light. What the heck, did everyone forget their lighters tonight or what? I shouldn't be so judgemental, I am constantly losing mine. Oh and I hope you non-smokers aren't counting how many times I went out to smoke either - you'd never figure out how many cigarettes I actually smoked anyway because most of the time I was out there, there was more than one. Back to angry guys, one of them, the angriest one was going on about how in love he was with some girl and he would marry her right this instant if she would only accept. That's a good place to start, her accepting but I would probably try not to be so angry, geesh! I could completely see why she wouldn't want to marry him. I just can not ever keep my mouth shut, it's a curse I swear! I looked at him and said, "Exactly how old are you?" and his reply, "23"....AAAAHHHHHH Thanks for playing mister. Seriously, I told him that he was way too young and he should continue enjoying his 20's and to not think about marriage until he was in his late 20's, early 30's. His half-friendly friend smiled but HE didn't really appreciate my advice. I know this because he looked at me as if to say, "SHUT THE HELLO KITTY UP BISCUIT!" Half friendly backed me up and then I thought it was best if I just put out my cigarette and left. Angry guy was a joy kill.
*Pause for a brief explanation of the mock cussing I have been using. My kids and one of their friends think I cuss too much. In an effort to make them happy I am testing out their substitute cuss words here, which I happen to think is working very well in this format but it isn't having much of an affect in my speech. Sorry kids.*
My next trip out for a smoke break was an interesting one. I met someone who I have decided to pet-name Mrs Robinson. If you don't know the Mrs Robinson reference, please do some homework, I don't feel like explaining it to you. The truth is I never even got her name but as it turns out Mrs Robinson was in her mid to late 30's and apparently an unhappily married woman. She said she had a boyfriend but he had recently gotten a "real" girlfriend. She was quite jealous that her boyfriend had a girlfriend now because the new girlfriend was eating up all his time. Frankly, I had no advice for this woman because what can one say to that? Ummmmm, yeah, you are married and you are jealous of your boyfriend's girlfriend. That's just plain crazy.
My next and final trip to the patio is when I officially met peach short boy and three of his friends. I never did get peach short boy's name actually - probably because he wanted to punch me! I did however, meet Jordan and Sean - both very cute college boys. Right, I know I said there were three friends, the third guy was another angry one. I think he might have been angry that I called his friend out on the ugly shorts - I know I keep focusing on the peach shorts but I can't help it. Peach shorts on a guy? Really? Miami Vice has been over for years! Now Jordan and Sean were both very cute, did I all ready say that? No, I wasn't trying to pick them up just being social on the patio, I can't help that they were cute and I wanted to look at them! So I was talking to Jordan about what he was doing since graduating from college at all of 24 years old (investment banker) and I happen to look over towards Sean (26 year old) and he is completely sucking face with Mrs Robinson! Where did she even come from? Apparently she was ready to move on from her other issues. WOW!
See you non-smokers have no idea what you are missing by staying "inside" all the time. I am glad, except in the winter, for being ostracized to a smoking area. It's kinda like that commercial for crash test dummies. You can learn a lot from a smoker! People will tell you their life story if you listen. Not that I am suggesting that you have to or would even care. To be perfectly honest, I don't really care about half of the stuff I heard last night which is primarily why I was able to remember every last word all of them told me and have transcribed down here for your reading enjoyment.
We literally did close down the bar last night, we had fun inside and outside of The Big Bang. I got Brad a sticker for his truck there that said, "Bang This". He loves it. We headed back to Ptown, dropping Jennifer and Brad off on the way.
Today I woke up to surprisingly dressed little ones and somehow I managed to stay in my pj's until 4pm! My ipod has gone missing and I actually think it's my fault this time but Sarah insists it is her dinosaur at work. Emma stared at the tv playing xbox for three hours today so she could beat the game. Abigail had a sleepover . Instead of going to bed at a decent hour, here I sit blogging about people whom we don't even knows lives.
Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity
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