I picked her up from school for gymnastics on Thursday and when I turned around to say hello, I noticed she had some kind of rash on her legs. I thought to myself, "Well that's strange!" and drove on out of the pick up line. I investigated the rash a bit when we got to the gym and determined (because I'm a non-licensed doctor in my spare time) it must just be some kind of a contact dermatitis; After all, she was rolling around in the front yard the night before! She did her time in the gym and on the way home we stopped by my work and got some of that Aveeno oatmeal bath.
The next morning the rash on her legs was gone. YAY! Oh snap! Hold up sister....this is strange, what the???? Bumps on your feet? All over your hands and palms? What ever could this be? Nothing a little cortisone cream won't help! I slather her up with cortisone cream and instruct her to call home if they start becoming more bothersome. Off to the big yellow limousine because as you know, we never pass up an opportunity to hop on the limo! The day goes by and no call. I pick her up from school and off to gymnastics we go.
Fast forward to the next morning, we get up and get ready to head off to gymnastics AGAIN (This is our life, ya know!?!). As we are driving there I know that we aren't staying, I must take this spotted child to the doctor! Stopping at the gym to inform her coach she will not be there because of this strange rash. My next stop was to my parents' house. No, neither of my parents are doctors. Despite the fact my Dad is often referred to as Dr. Jay - his non-licensed medical practice is based in neurosurgery. I stopped at their house to borrow money. People I have no shame, I'm broke! I had approximately $30.00 in my checking account, my gas gauge was 1/4 mm away from E, a trip to urgent care is $25.00 and heaven forbid she get a prescription! ALL HAIL PARENTS!!! My wonderful Mom gave me some money and off we went.
The diagnosis: Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. End of story? NO!
What I failed to mention above, is my other three children had left Friday night for a weekend getaway at their Grandma Joyce's to swim. I was supposed to drop Olivia off after gymnastics and clearly this wasn't going to happen now (H.F.M.D. is apparently very contagious). Before I continue, Mom time is a precious commodity! I had all these great plans to lay on my couch with my iditorod team and watch Discovery I.D. and Lifetime all weekend. Clearly, my plan went up in smoke. Whatever! I will just hang out with Spot and we'll watch Cartoon Network..may be she'll fall asleep and I can watch Adult Swim. HA! In reality what happened was I went to my sister's house to drop off mums and have dinner. On the way home my phone rings, it's Emma.
Me: Hello
Emma: Mooooom, I'm coming home. I don't feel good - I think I'm going to throw up.
Me: "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??????" Oh wait that was my thought! Let's try that again
Me: Oh no baby girl! Okay well we are on our way from Aunt Tammy's. I'll see you soon.
Emma: Okay.
I return home and before I know it, all three of the other girls are filing into the house. Emma and Sarah plop on the couch and Abigail goes to her room. I tell the two on the couch to go to their beds - Emma with a bowl. I do a few things around the house and go to bed.
The next morning I awake to several texts from Scott:
When I got home I made myself something to eat and when I went to sit down to eat it,
discovered someone had thrown up all over the couch. I cleaned it up the best I could. Then I came across a mess made by one of the dogs (Lilly). Had to clean that up, it took me two hours to eat my food and get to bed.
It turns out Sarah was the phantom couch puker. I spent my morning cleaning and disinfecting the house and then off to work (Dang it!) I went. I kept Olivia home until Wednesday and since I deemed she was no longer contagious took all the girls to swim at Grandma's. End of story....WRONG!
I went to bed at 11pm, which is pretty early for me but I was tired and dozed off pretty quickly. My slumber didn't last but 20 minutes! I'm laying in my bed and I hear loud mumbling coming from Sarah's room, it got progressively louder until it was a scream and then the crying began. Emma went to her aid and then finally I had to get up and see what the heck was going on. Within minutes I knew what was wrong - Ear infection! Why oh WHY do ear infections always wait till bedtime to show themselves? Needless to say, Scott and I were awake all night dealing with her. If I were a better wife and mother a couple of things would have been different. For one thing, I would have had a full supply, rather than none, of children's ibuprofen! Two, I would have taken her to the couch and laid with her there knowing that Scott had to work early the next day. Yeah, well, no one is perfect!
Thursday I kept Sarah home from school and her E.N.T. called her in some antibiotic drops. I also had to take our puppy, Mabel, to the vet for a routine check-up. Turns out she had double ear infections. Can you feel my joy?
Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity
