Who's Your Favorite?

fa·vor·ite

   /ˈfeɪvərɪt, ˈfeɪvrɪt/ Show Spelled[fey-ver-it, feyv-rit] Show IPA

noun

1. a person or thing regarded with special favor or preference: That song is an old favorite of mine.

2. Sports . a competitor considered likely to win.

3. a person or thing popular with the public.

4. a person treated with special or undue favor by a king, official, etc.: favorites at the court.

 

Let's face it, we are born with innate preferences and as we grow in knowledge and experience, we find things that we love as well as despise. It's a matter of fact, pretty people get ahead in this world - don't even try to argue this untrue.  The beautiful, the skinny, he with the most (insert whatever here) wins, and all kinds of  what society views as perfection is given "preference".  FACT

 

If you haven't already figured it out, today's edition of my blog is not about playing favorites at home.  The battle of favorites in the eyes of one's own children can never be won - well at least not until they have children of their own and realize there is a special kind of compartmentalized love for each and every child.  You love them each whole-heartedly.  This chronicle is about the world. 

 

How do you teach your children to be fair and to give every one a chance when this example is lacking every where you look?  As a parent, I am trying to instill into my four hooligans to be honest, fair, dedicated to their activities and the horrible truth: The world is not a fair place! At times it seems impossible to teach these lessons. We all want the very best for your our offspring and for some of us, it means robbing Peter to pay Paul and in desperate cases, beating down Mary!  I know this seems like ramblings of a mad woman but rest assured, this IS going somewhere. 

 

The competitive world is ugly and YET I have three out of four of my children in knee deep!  It's the insanity, it has to be! In competition there will always be a winner and there will always be a loser.  I'm okay with this.  What I am not okay with is blatant favoritism.  I am forever telling a dear friend of mine, "No worries, they will get by on their own accord".  Truth be told, this is only partially true.  I have seen this go either way but in my heart of hearts, I must believe sometimes it's true.  We spend a vast majority of our time training in our activities of choice and always hope our best will shine through - sometimes our best isn't enough. 

 

Today we had a mock competition and overall I think everyone did their best! It was awesome to see the fruit of their labors come into fruition.  What I am taking issue with is the fairness of the judgement.  Do I think my daughter was scored fairly? I actually do.  Do I think others were?  Not so much.  You see, some of them are what I would kinda, actually consider, "favorites".  It just miffs me a bit.  Guess what?  You are going to find this shocking......I am going to tell you why!

 

When preferential treatment is given to some, only the ones given said treatment are generally going to reach success. What is the hope for those who aren't given the same?  Why should they even try? My hope is they will rise above the circumstance, take every opportunity given to them and kick the butts of those given preference.  Please don't think me a poor sport!  I do believe the girls who came out ahead today were deserving. Truthfully, I watch them work on their craft and am completely amazed at what they accomplish! Furthermore, it isn't their fault they are chosen. The issue for me is how difficult it becomes for someone to be impartial when put in a position of judging their own work and/or prodigies if you will.  Just do the opposite of Nike's slogan, "Don't do it!".  I would have thought more of the results had impartial evaluation taken place. I know! I know! Do I want some wine with my cheese? I think I may even be repeating myself at this point. 

 

The question became are these girls ready to compete? My opinion, yes I have one, we won't know until we put them out there. When it became a matter to be voted on, after a heated debate, I abstained from voting because I felt too conflicted to put my opinion out there. I believe as a whole the coach is the best judge of readiness. I also believe what I heard from another parent, others are already competing, being critiqued and improving on their abilities.  We are coming in behind the game! What really struck me about this heated debate was every time a dash of nepotism was thrown in, the parent threw it back as a reminder they are a team.  What a cool drink of water, eh? 

 

In conclusion, it doesn't matter if it costs everyone the same financially because some will ultimately pay more than others.

 

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity

 

 

 

 

What I Deal With

My offspring keep me on my tippy toes at all times.  There is no rest for the weary people!  It should come as no surprise to you my life is a three ring circus, therefore, you won't be anything less than entertained by this week in review.

First of all, the fire department visited Sarah's kindergarten class last Thursday.  She arrived off the bus in full chatter about all the things she had learned from their visit.  Just to name a few, "Stop, drop, roll - and cover your face!", "In an emergency call 9-1-1" and "Never, EVER play with matches! EVER!" It never ceases to amaze me how much Sarah takes in from the world and this was no exception.  In fact, the entire family had to hear about her escape plan, how we should never play with matches and it's okay if the dogs are still in the house, even if we make it out first because the firemen will save them.  She's a smart kid, I'll give her that.  However, smart can be made into a compound word: smart ass.  See how easy that was?  Before you judge me for calling my sweet little five year old a smart ass - you should live with her!  Truthfully, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but for all intense purposes this is the best description I could give for her.

Fast forward to Monday afternoon....

Sarah gets home from school and we are just hanging out enjoying some quality time.  I decide to go out on the deck and enjoy some sunshine with my cigarette (Calm down people! I smoke outside and yes, I know smoking is likely going to kill me but it's my vice so give me a break, alright?) I light up my cigarette and take a little drag and sit my lighter on the table.  Sarah comes out back, looks at me, looks at the lighter and then back at me as she moves her hand towards my lighter. Her finger extends and there it is!  Her little pointer finger is on the lighter and she exclaims, "Well look at that!  Nothing!  Nothing is happening Mom!  My teacher was sooooooooo wrong!"  I couldn't help but laugh and think to myself that this child will be the death of me.  Seriously, she is the last apple to fall in the basket and her mind is sharp as a tack.  Lest we forget that I am coming up on my 29k birthday and by the time she is a teenager I am going to be completely exhausted, out of whitty comebacks and 100% certifiable.  Pray for me!

On Tuesday, one of my teenage daughters came home from school and informed me that one of the emu/goth girls at school shaved her head, leaving only a Mohawk on top of her head.  Lovely, right? Then an update on the pregnant girl (8th grade...ugggg), she is apparently back at school.  I write this as if I had previously mentioned it and I haven't.  I seriously can't imagine it and will just leave it at that - she's back at school.  This is where the story shows my advance maternal age - She tells me one of the boys was stoned at school. Alright before I go on, she continued on to say he got suspended because he was high at school and apparently dealing drugs.  My story couldn't proceed without me throwing that little tidbit in there because once I tell you my immediate after she told me he was stoned at school, you will not even care there was more because you'll be too busy thinking what a moron I am! 

Her: Mom, a boy was stoned at school today! 

In my mind:  STONED?  Why would they ever do such a thing in this day and age?  Where were the teachers?  Holy Mackerel....what is this world coming to?  Where did they get the stones to throw at him?

Me:  Do you mean he was high?

No, I'm not old enough to remember a time when anyone anywhere was stoned.  This is a perfect example of growing older and wanting to pretend like MY kids don't know the lingo. 

Sadly, I am of that age.

Moving on to Wednesday, both of my eighth grade children came home from school and confessed they both got in trouble at school.  What is wrong with them?  Why do they feel it necessary to confess all of their transgressions to me?  I would have never busted myself out if I knew my parents weren't going to find out.  I guess it's a sign of the relationship we have. I think as a parent it is very difficult to pretend to agree with the "establishment" for the sake of solidarity.  Anyone else find this challenging? May be I should clarify what I mean here. 

Lets say your child gets a lunch detention for not completing a homework assignment. She thought she finished it in her support class. Much to her dismay this wasn't the case and therefore there must be a consequence.  For the record, I am down with consequences but in my opinion the punishment must fit the crime. Someone please tell me what happened to the days when you turned incomplete work in, it was simply reflected in your grade?  They are apparently gone with the wind. Here is what happened to my daughter. First her teacher sent her to sit in the hall to fill out her lunch detention paperwork and proceeded to forget about her.  So she sat out in the hall, (Because let's face it, who wants to risk more trouble by reminding the teacher you are out there?) and missed the entire day's lesson.  Honestly!!!!!!  I just do NOT understand this thought process at all! Let me get this straight, my A.D.D. child (probably the reason she thought her homework was done and in fact wasn't) was sent to the hall, forgotten about and missed the entire days lesson, then had to sit in the cafeteria at a "special" table to further her punishment?  WOW! Lesson learned, no doubt. 

The other rebellious child was given a color change and a five point deduction from her grade.  Why?  The better question here is: Why are they giving color changes to 8th graders??  HA!  In the 8th grade they are required to have a flash drive.  The assignment was a power point presentation and due on the flash drive.  Never mind if she knows how to use one or not, or say her mother!  The night before the presentation was due, she had completed her work and transferred it to the flash drive - or in this case did not transfer the assignment.  According to her father, she was very excited and proud of herself to have figured it out all on her own.  She went to school and low and behold, no presentation on the flash drive!  Again, I am okay with consequence.  In this situation however, what is the point?  Your expectation is to hand a child a flash drive and expect they or their parent knows how to use it?  EERRRRRR  Point deduction fine - but a pointless color change?  Come on, really?

My point is this: There are kids at their school doing far worse things (please see above) and they are handing out lunch detention because a kid didn't complete their assignment?  I have never heard of such a thing until now.  What has our world come to? 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Hand, Foot and Mouth

Based on the title of this particular blog, you might think I was talking about inserting my hand or foot into my mouth.  As likely as this prospect is, where I am concerned, this is not the case here.  No friends, I am referring to a childhood virus called Coxsackie Disease, also known as Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease (Coxsackie Disease) is a virus in which the hands, feet and mouth become covered in bumps/blisters.  It is sometimes accompanied by a fever - this was not the case with Olivia. 

I picked her up from school for gymnastics on Thursday and when I turned around to say hello, I noticed she had some kind of rash on her legs.  I thought to myself, "Well that's strange!" and drove on out of the pick up line.  I investigated the rash a bit when we got to the gym and determined (because I'm a non-licensed doctor in my spare time) it must just be some kind of a contact dermatitis; After all, she was rolling around in the front yard the night before!  She did her time in the gym and on the way home we stopped by my work and got some of that Aveeno oatmeal bath. 

The next morning the rash on her legs was gone.  YAY!  Oh snap!  Hold up sister....this is strange, what the????   Bumps on your feet?  All over your hands and palms?  What ever could this be?  Nothing a little cortisone cream won't help!  I slather her up with cortisone cream and instruct her to call home if they start becoming more bothersome.  Off to the big yellow limousine because as you know, we never pass up an opportunity to hop on the limo!  The day goes by and no call.  I pick her up from school and off to gymnastics we go.

Fast forward to the next morning, we get up and get ready to head off to gymnastics AGAIN (This is our life, ya know!?!).  As we are driving there I know that we aren't staying, I must take this spotted child to the doctor! Stopping at the gym to inform her coach she will not be there because of this strange rash. My next stop was to my parents' house.  No, neither of my parents are doctors.  Despite the fact my Dad is often referred to as Dr. Jay - his non-licensed medical practice is based in neurosurgery.  I stopped at their house to borrow money.  People I have no shame, I'm broke! I had approximately $30.00 in my checking account, my gas gauge was 1/4 mm away from E, a trip to urgent care is $25.00 and heaven forbid she get a prescription!  ALL HAIL PARENTS!!! My wonderful Mom gave me some money and off we went. 

The diagnosis:  Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. End of story?  NO!

What I failed to mention above, is my other three children had left Friday night for a weekend getaway at their Grandma Joyce's to swim. I was supposed to drop Olivia off after gymnastics and clearly this wasn't going to happen now (H.F.M.D.  is apparently very contagious).  Before I continue, Mom time is a precious commodity!  I had all these great plans to lay on my couch with my iditorod team and watch Discovery I.D. and Lifetime all weekend.  Clearly, my plan went up in smoke.  Whatever!  I will just hang out with Spot and we'll watch Cartoon Network..may be she'll fall asleep and I can watch Adult Swim. HA!  In reality what happened was I went to my sister's house to drop off mums and have dinner. On the way home my phone rings, it's Emma.

Me:  Hello
Emma:  Mooooom, I'm coming home.  I don't feel good - I think I'm going to throw up.
Me: "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??????" Oh wait that was my thought! Let's try that again
Me:  Oh no baby girl!  Okay well we are on our way from Aunt Tammy's. I'll see you soon.
Emma:  Okay.

I return home and before I know it, all three of the other girls are filing into the house.  Emma and Sarah plop on the couch and Abigail goes to her room.  I tell the two on the couch to go to their beds - Emma with a bowl.  I do a few things around the house and go to bed.

The next morning I awake to several texts from Scott:

When I got home I made myself something to eat and when I went to sit down to eat it,
discovered someone had thrown up all over the couch.  I cleaned it up the best I could.  Then I came across a mess made by one of the dogs (Lilly).  Had to clean that up, it took me two hours to eat my food and get to bed.

Welcome to my personal hell mister! Poor guy :o( 

It turns out Sarah was the phantom couch puker. I spent my morning cleaning and disinfecting the house and then off to work (Dang it!) I went.  I kept Olivia home until Wednesday and since I deemed she was no longer contagious took all the girls to swim at Grandma's. End of story....WRONG!

I went to bed at 11pm, which is pretty early for me but I was tired and dozed off pretty quickly.  My slumber didn't last but 20 minutes!  I'm laying in my bed and I hear loud mumbling coming from Sarah's room, it got progressively louder until it was a scream and then the crying began.  Emma went to her aid and then finally I had to get up and see what the heck was going on.  Within minutes I knew what was wrong - Ear infection!  Why oh WHY do ear infections always wait till bedtime to show themselves?  Needless to say, Scott and I were awake all night dealing with her.  If I were a better wife and mother a couple of things would have been different.  For one thing, I would have had a full supply, rather than none, of children's ibuprofen!  Two, I would have taken her to the couch and laid with her there knowing that Scott had to work early the next day.  Yeah, well, no one is perfect!

Thursday I kept Sarah home from school and her E.N.T. called her in some antibiotic drops.  I also had to take our puppy, Mabel, to the vet for a routine check-up.  Turns out she had double ear infections.  Can you feel my joy? 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Where Oh Where Has The Insane One Gone??

Where oh where has the insane blogger gone? 
Oh Where?  Oh where can she be?

I would love to report my recent absence has been due to the fact that I had been institutionalized but no, I have simply been losing my mind of my own accord. Yes, I have been busier than a store on Black Friday! 

Let me catch you up to speed.  I took a part-time job at a local drug store, Olivia has gymnastics 16 hours per week, I babysit a little girl three days a week and then there's my crazy life.  I know this doesn't sound like much but I assure you, it is more of an undertaking than one might think.

My part-time work schedule consists of varied hours, therefore, I do not know what I am working week to week.  This makes it nearly impossible to prepare for the next week until it's almost too late.  I have a love-hate relationship with my job.  What I love about my job is being back out in the world, around other adults, nice and funny customers, a paycheck and 90% of my co-workers.  But of course, there are things I hate about it; working, stupid customers, working, asshole customers, working and not being able to do what I want when I want.  I have had several of my friends tell me my part-time job needs to be more part-time! 

Let's talk about customers, shall we?  As you know, I have a lot to say about the parents of competitive athletes.  I have discovered over my past three months of outside employment is there is a lot to be said about customers.  For instance, it has been said in the retail world, "The customer is always right!".  I am gonna throw out the bullshit card on this one. 

While I am all about being kind, courteous and helpful to a customer.  Just because you are paying for something doesn't mean you are always right.  The following are some examples: Trying to use a coupon that is clearly expired - not right! Accusing an employee of jacking up your pictures - just admit it, you are a crappy photographer!  Yelling at us because you have no patience when you are second in line, really?  My favorite thus far is the tourist (No, we do not live in a tourist area but apparently people visit family from another country).  Four people came up to the counter to make a $32.00 purchase.  They paid with a one hundred dollar bill, this in itself is not a huge deal.  Rather than try to make change from my cash drawer (which by the way, does not contain even close to change for a hundred dollar bill), I call my supervisor to give me five twenties.  I take three of the twenty dollar bills and hand them back to the "out of country" customer and proceed to use the other two as payment for their purchase. It quickly became apparent to me the customer was confused and for some unknown reason, was stacking all kinds of change on the counter.  What the?  I attempt to hand back the eight dollars in cash and was quickly told by the one English speaking person, that was not correct.  Ummm......really?  Not only am I proficient at making and counting back change, I can do it without the register screen that confirms I am correct.  I know, I know, I'm talented! This is not a trait you find in today's youth.  At this point, I have to explain the basics of making change and kindly tell these non-English speaking customers they are wrong.  After the five minute lesson in American currency, they bring up the mound of change they have placed upon the counter.  They want it converted to cash dollars.  REALLY?  Okay, I give them the cash for their change and finally they exit the store.  I don't clearly understand why the pharmacy isn't authorized to pass out Xanax after a rough customer. 

Chauffeur, my other part-time job.  Olivia's gymnastics schedule is very time consuming and has ruined any thought I had of sleeping in during the summer, not only for me but for her as well. We are at the gym from 8:30am till 12:45pm every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Saturday we get an extra 30 minutes of sleep because we don't have to be there until 9:00am.  WOOHOO!!! This schedule, in addition to my paid position at the drug store does not leave much time for any kind of adult fun (IE: Mom's Night Out). Wait!  That should have read, "does not leave ANY time!".    Since we live 30 minutes from the gym, this activity consumes around twenty-two hours of every week.  Now add in around sixteen to twenty hours of outside employment and you got yourself a full-time job. Mind you, this is just one child's schedule! 

Dance is a school calender activity and other than summer dance camp, which lasted one month of Mondays, we have had the summer off. However, you might be aware the new school year is about to begin and thus begins my life as a full-time chauffeur. You can imagine my excitement when Olivia's coach announced this fall the girls will continue with the sixteen hour a week training schedule.  One good thing is one of the girls' that lives here in town has been moved into Olivia's class and for the past couple weeks we have been carpooling!  I will list what my schedule will resemble below.

Sunday - More than likely work at least six hours

Monday - Kids off to school, work 9am to 2pm, Pick Olivia and Alivia up at school, drive to gymnastics, drive back home to get Abigail and Sarah to dance class.

Tuesday  - Kids off to school - possible dance class and/or assisting for Sarah and Abigail.

Wednesday - Kids off to school, hopefully no work, pick Olivia, Sarah and Alivia up at school, drive to gymnastics. Wait for Sarah's gymnastics class to be over and drive back home.

Thursday - Kids off to school, work at some point

Friday - Kids off to school, pick up Olivia and Alivia at school, drive to gymnastics, drive back home.

Saturday - drive to gymnastics and be there by 8:00am, drive home...work Saturday evenings. 

Now, mind you this is a rough schedule.  Abigail might be helping at the dance studio two or three nights a week in addition to her own classes.  The schedule also does not cover any school activities or household obligations such as cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.  I am completely and totally exhausted just thinking about what the next few weeks will bring.  This begs the question, how do full-time working Moms do it?  Truth be told, I could be a mean Mom and put the kabosh on every one's extra curricular activities.  However, I love that my girls have found activities they love and are good at!

If you have been missing me and my blog, you know understand why I have been M.I.A. as of late.  I have been trying to figure out how to blog from my smart phone but apparently you have to have a smart user as well! 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Hyper Insanity

It Didn't Take Long

No, it didn't take long for the drama to rear it's ugly head. Literally, I blogged just hours ago and by the end of gymnastics - Drama. HaaaLaaaa (does anyone know the correct spelling of this word? Hollaa, hollar...don't know and I am pretty confident my little insanity following knew precisely what I meant!)

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I am in charge of ballet lesson fees. After speaking to the gym owner, who then clarified with the team coach, I realized that the training team will only have one lesson per week. "Why does this matter Queenie?" you might be asking. No worries, I am about to tell you why it matters. In my mind, "I thought great news for those parents!" Less fees, lucky indeed. To be clear, their fee was only $16.00 a month for two, 30 minute classes per week. Now it's a whopping $8.00 a month. Lucky, doesn't even begin to describe what is going on in my mind! It just so happens the "training team" has class right after ours. I saw an opportunity to approach the parents and spread the fabulous news! It turns out my fabulous news ::::pregnant pause:::: was not so fabulous for everyone. Before I replay the conversation, I want to remind all of you of something important, do not and it bears repeating, do NOT kill the messenger. She is already hanging by the crown of her teeth (Dental humor)! The conversation went like this;

Moi: Good news! I made a mistake and your fee will only be $8.00 per month for ballet.
*I then explain my mistake which in hindsight should fall under misunderstanding*

Parental response: This isn't great news!  What do you mean they are only getting one ballet lesson per week?  Our girls are already getting short changed.  They are losing 30 minutes of gym time and we are still paying the same, plus the added cost of ballet lessons.

Moi:  With all due respect (and I have seen this class - mostly little bits), most of the girls will be good to make it through the 30 minute class. They just aren't at an age to handle anything longer.

Parent: MY DAUGHTER CAN HANDLE IT! She is seven years old and these girls are all ready behind and how will they catch up? My daughter was supposed to move up but they didn't have enough spots for her.  *I blacked out for a moment*

Moi: *Random sarcastic thoughts running through my head* Oh I didn't realize your daughter was that old.  However, my suggestion is to speak with the coach about this.  I am only in charge of collecting the money for ballet.

Parent:  Oh I will be talking to the Coach.  Blah, blah, blah, blah.......blah........blah.....blah blah blah

Moi:  (Starting to get worried about these black outs) Okay, well talk to the coach.  Have a nice day!

Exit stage left

NOW, this is a case of my daughter is a superstar if I ever saw it.  Do you remember my blog about how your child should be a super star in your eyes?  Again, I draw the line when you cross over the obvious reality. I have a very hard time believing that the coach just didn't have a spot for her in the next level.  He just re-evaluated all the girls and placed them accordingly - my child moved up.  A few kids got moved up, down and around.  I'm not the coach, I don't know what he sees but in my humble ole opinion, your child is more than likely where they belong - deal with it.

Sincerely,
The Queen Of Insanity

Let Summer Begin!

As I type this, all but one of my children are still passed out in their beds.  Yes, the time of year has arrived, summer break.  Most Mom's panic and worry what they will do with their little ankle biters home all summer.  I don't worry because I know exactly what I will do - Maintain insanity! 

Last week was busy.  Scott worked the Memorial Tournament all week and the kids finished up school on Thursday, we had dress rehearsal, dance recital, gymnastics/meeting and Sunday my niece graduated from The Ohio State University College Of Dentistry as a Dental Hygienist.  The dance recital was great and I have been dubbed "Teachers Pet" because I got to go in the back door of the venue and received a beautiful hanging basket.  I'm okay with it, it's probably the nicest thing I have been called in a long time and I like flowers!

Saturday morning I took Olivia to gymnastics a little early because as it turns out, I had a board meeting.  Okay, I hope you are sitting down.  Are you?  Alright, I have big news....I am now an official Member-at-Large on the CGA Amateur Athletics Board!  Isn't that exciting?  I am not really sure what it means other than I get to sit in on board meetings, vote and try to control my A.D.D. tendencies. Oh and collect money for summer ballet.  If they knew how broke I was right now, they might reconsider letting me collect cash from anyone!  (I feel since I put that out there I must state, I would NEVER steal money from anyone, let alone these hardworking girls).  In thinking about the title, "Member-at-Large", I might ask to have my new found title changed to Speaker of the House.  Lets be frank, shall we?  The reason I am now in cahoots with the board is because I have a big ole mouth. Things have calmed down a bit since the old president stepped down and I am looking forward to the next possible drama.

On Sunday, I got myself and the girls up and ready for Jessica's graduation.  I was only a mere five minutes late to my parents.  All things considered, I give myself an A for punctuality.  Yes, I gave myself an A because when I finally got there my Mom was still dilly dalling around in the house - hence we had to wait on her. I love how that worked out!  It's like I was there ten minutes early.

Now, I can't even begin to tell you the joy I felt sitting in an auditorium full of graduating dentists and dental hygienists.  One of my friends suggested I do some networking for future deals on dental work.  Truly a great idea had I only thought of it beforehand.  I could have made up business cards:

The Queen of Insanity
AKA: Dental Nightmare
Please call 555-1212 when
you need a little extra pro-bono
experience

Honestly, I was honored to be there to watch her walk across the stage and graduate from college. You go girl!  Go out there and be a dental nazi! I will still love you. 

Well this is it for now...I will continue blogging about this week week when I get around to it.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

What Ever Has Our World Come To?

I am about to tell you what kind of horrible Mother I am.  First I have to cut and paste a post from my girls' middle school PTO website, which I thought was simply supposed to be a place to exchange information about school activities. Apparently, I was wrong to assume this!  It is obviously a place to vent about the bad behavior of parents, middle school clothing and whatever.  Anyway, once you have read, I will comment. 

The Post

Ok normally I don't use my PTO page to vent, but I would like to take a minute to share something with you all.
Last week I attended the 7th grade choir concert, which all the young men and ladies were looking very nice and you could tell they had been practicing because they sounded amazing!

HOWEVER, what I couldn't help notice were how rude the audience was.
Seriously there were kids (that were there with parents) getting up and running around in the middle of the performance, there were adults, students, and younger children continuously going in and out of the gym while the kids were singing.
... There was one group of kids that were yelling!! literally yelling, there were people getting up to take phone calls, I could go on, but bottom line is it was totally rude and disrespectful to the students that have been practicing and singing, and got all dressed up to perform for you.

To top it off the performance wasn't even that long. It's not like you were asked to sit there for hours, or even A HOUR. These are your kids too!
We expect our children to do their best, but then we can't give them a half hour of our attention to see what they have been working for.

Please parents & students if you must get up to take that call or move to sit by your friends that just came in wait until they are not in the middle of performing at the least!!

I will say not EVERYONE was rude and disrespectful, I did see a couple of people acting like there was a performance going on and was very pleased to see some students waiting to change seats until the kids were done singing!

There that is my 2 cents... :-)

 

Okay, it's me The Queen of Insanity again. Normally, I would be one of "these" parents but I would use The Insanity Chronicles as my outlet rather than a PTO website.  Why?  I am about to tell you, no fear friends!  My reason for using the Insanity Chronicles rather than the school function is because I don't think it's my place to tell other adults how to act to their face.  I would much rather chastise them here, plain and simple. 

 

What I would love to have said in response to this parent is, "Look, I have been in excruciating tooth pain since Monday, had my gums sliced open and my tooth drilled open to release infection yesterday, my face is swollen up like a balloon, I am taking antibiotics and pain killers, I just sat at gymnastics for two hours straight - 20 minutes away and haven't eaten real food since Tuesday!  If my four year old was irritating to you as she ran across the gymnasium floor to get a drink of water and then out the door to go to the restroom and back, sorry I honestly could have cared less.  At that moment, if she was hanging from one of the basketball hoops screaming Booty Wurk at the top of her lungs, I wouldn't have minded.  Oh and yeah, my phone rang toward the end of the performance, I thought I turned my ringer off but to err is human. Since I really didn't want to be there in the first place, I took the call.  Yup, I sure did!  I did however, get up and go outside to hold my conversation.  Again I am sorry, my caller didn't realize they were calling in the middle of a performance!"

 

Listen, the truth hurts.  I was clearly in no mood to be there but felt a moral obligation as a parent to support my daughter (who consequently knows and understands I am unable to control my A.D.D. at these type of events).  How about next time you have box seating for me instead of pull out side bleachers where I can't even see my kid from and I won't get on your nerves?  Do I sound angry?  I'm not really just found the post a little irritating because I, for once, was one of "those" parents she was referring to.  Yeah, I took it personal. 

 

I was also a little irritated about some of the comments following the above mentioned post in regards to the way some of the girls were dressed.  My daughter was completely appropriate so I didn't take a personal offense to it so much as I just felt that it wasn't there place to judge those poor girls.  Seriously, those girls probably felt beautiful in their bright neon green hoochie mama dresses with their high heels on.  Personally, I am only jealous I can't walk in heels to save my life!

 

In conclusion, I just wanted to let you all know that I am NOT even close to the Top 10 Mothers of the Year Award this year.  I know this is a disappointment since you all were planning a big celebration for me but lets hold out hope, there's always next year!

 

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity

Another Day In Paradise

Last Monday I was sitting in a training class for my new part-time job at a local drug store, when I was struck with a throbbing pain in one of my molars.  I knew right away exactly which tooth it was and that I was in for a dentist visit.  I did my best to try and ignore it, hoping against hope the pain would subside.  You know that didn't happen, right?

The next morning I woke in pain and decided to try the heating pad.  The heating pad didn't do much of anything.  By the end of the day, I looked like I was carrying around a hump back whale on my face.  I made a dentist appointment for Thursday, however when I woke up Wednesday morning I knew there was no way possible to make it till Thursday.  Off to the dentist I went and I am not going to bore you with the gory details - just know the trip ended up giving me minimal relief. 

I quickly realized my soft toothbrush was not quite soft enough so I went and purchased an extra soft.  It made all the difference! I think you are up to date on this situation. 

Tonight's conversation with my soon to be five year old;

Sarah:  MOM!  I cleaned Lilly's (our dog) teeth!
Me:  Oh yeah?  With what? 
Sarah:  Water. Her teeth were very dirty!
Me:  Just water?
Sarah:  Yes and a toothbrush.
Me:  Who's toothbrush Sarah?
Sarah:  Oh the one you and daddy don't use.
Me:  Hmmmm.....may be you should go get the toothbrush you used.
*Sarah leaves to get the toothbrush*

At this point I am thinking to myself, "I do have a toothbrush in my shower that I use to clean the tracks of the shower door.  I am sure that's the one she used......yeah, that's the one"

*Sarah comes back with toothbrush*
Need I say more?

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

One Day At A Time

Great news, yesterday was without incident!  I waited all day with baited breath for some calamity to strike but nothing happened.  WOOT WOOT!  In fact I got some good news, they found Olivia's sandals at the gym.  Where were they?  In the bathroom trashcan.  Which begs the question, "Who would put her sandals in the trash?"  I could ponder on this idea for some time but I am going to focus on the positive - Sandals were found and that's enough for me.

The past month (give or take a year) has been very trying, so much has happened in just the past week and it has given me pause.  I have come to the conclusion, I must take it one day at a time. I have seen a quote on Facebook floating around a lot lately; Sometimes we expect more from others, because we'd be willing to do much more for them.  This particular quote is so true in so many ways.  But it also begs the question, "Are my expectations realistic?". In my humble ole opinion, I would say the answer to this is split and complicated. I am going to examine this phenomenon of expectations. 

Please hold for a moment while I reference my Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary..........
Thank you for patience, I decided I am going with Dictionary.com again because it is easier to cut and paste. Not to mention, my dictionary made it more complicated than it had to be.  Please see the definition posted below.

ex·pec·ta·tion

   /ˌɛkspɛkˈteɪʃən/ Show Spelled[ek-spek-tey-shuhn] Show IPA

noun

1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in

2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

Today we will be discussing expectation in explanation to definitions 1-4.  Let's face it, definition five does NOT apply to me or any of my friends at this juncture.

Now that you have had time to review, contemplate and absorb the definitions of expectation, I would like to begin by giving some examples of unrealistic and realistic expectations, k?

Unrealistic Expectations

1.  Expecting your flowers/plants to thrive when you don't tend to them.

2.  Expecting people not to stare when you wear your pajamas in public.

3.  Expecting your car to get you 100 miles away when your gas light is on.

4.  Expecting the sun to shine every day.

5.  Expecting everyone to love you unconditionally.

Realistic Expectations

1.  You will have to pay taxes.

2.  You will die at some point.

The truth is expectations are just that - expectations. Not only are they expectations but they are YOUR'S and YOUR's alone.  You can will it to happen, want it worse than anything in this world and it won't make it so.  Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to steal anyone's joyous outlook on the world.  In this life you are going to be let down by someone or something because you have made an unrealistic assumption (You know what they say about assuming, right?). To this I say, sometimes you need to lower your expectations.  Just because someone doesn't meet your expectations doesn't mean you should love them any less and vice versa, nor does it mean you should write them off.  Sometimes people have a lot on their own plates, get caught up in their busy lives and are wise enough to know when you really need them and when you don't.  And sometimes, just sometimes you need to reach out out to them and let them know you need their help. 

There are also times when you need not get caught up in people's choices despite how they affect your plight.  For instance, when people make a commitment to something and then half way in realize they aren't able to keep their promise. They knew the rules going in and if they choose to take another avenue, so be it! All you do really is smile and tell them you are really sorry they won't be there. There are consequences for everything and while it stinks for you, may be just may be they will look back one day and realize they could have handled it better. 

Life is full of lessons!  We are constantly learning, growing and changing - I am certainly an example of this.  I am not the same person I was at 25, 30 or 35 years old, now there are things that are inherent about me therefore I won't ever loose them.  Honestly, I love that I am outspoken and loud at times.  I also think my friends appreciate this about me because they always know where they stand with me. You should always be willing to lower your expectations and take the good with the bad. This is unless, you are being seriously abused and my suggestion to you is run like there's no tomorrow and never look back. 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

Perspective as defined by Dictionary.com (because I am too lazy to use my Meriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary);

per·spec·tive

   /pərˈspɛktɪv/ Show Spelled[per-spek-tiv] Show IPA

noun

1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.

2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.

3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.

4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.

5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.

We are going with the last three as they apply to my blog today.

Yesterday my twins had their 13 year check-ups.  Since their appointment was before the end of their school day, I had to pick them up early from school.  As I drove up to the school I noticed a group of about 10 boys chasing one boy wearing a white hoodie.  I saw one of them grab the hoodie in an attempt to catch him.  All of the sudden the boy was on the ground and all the kids were surrounding him.  At this point I had passed the scene and pulled into the school parking lot, my plan was to drive over to the area and make sure this kid was alright. However, as I turned into the school lot I saw a Deputy headed my way, so I flagged him down and told him what I saw. He informed me they were just horse playing, he had just been over there.  I begrudgingly took his word for it and sat in my car for a few minutes to assess the situation myself.  When I felt sure this kid was in no real danger, I went in and signed my girls out.

In this world, there are so many times we need to be sure of what we are really seeing.  The vast majority of times, we rely on our own perceptions. This is okay a great deal of the time.  Your perception speaks to your intuition and overall, this is a great tool.  However, there are times that what you see and what's really there are entirely different. For this reason, I implore you to always use a little something called logic when figuring out a given situation.  Don't be hasty in jumping to a conclusion about someones motives or actions.  The truth is, you don't know without being in the other persons shoes.  Their perception is their reality. 

As you all know (because you are a loyal followers) I have had quite a run of it lately.  All the drama with the dog, the appliances and so on. By Monday night I was exhausted of energy.  There was absolutely no way I could go on caring about all of these problems crumbling about me and made the decision to just let it go and move forward.  I do this a lot you know...I get all these obsessive compulsive thoughts going on and then after an unknown origin of time, done! I woke up yesterday and had a wonderfully touching post on my facebook from a very dear friend - I needed to hear it.  I thought, "Okay, this is good! This is going to work!".  A new attitude had invaded me!  My day went fairly well and then it happened.

I had just started dinner after returning home from gymnastics with Miss Liv.  Happily frying up some ground beef to make marzeti (frying because my stove is still broke and I can only use the burners) and then it happened - the phone rang.  I answered the phone, it was the dance studio calling to ask me to come up.  In my mind I thought okay, I gotta go - no biggie!  Told Scott I was leaving and asked him to finish up dinner. I suppose I thought they needed me for a costume issue or to watch, I don't know what I thought really.  When I got to the studio, I was met by one of her dance teachers at the door.  She said, "Every thing's okay, don't panic but Abigail had a little accident".  I didn't hear screaming or moaning so I assumed she was somewhat okay.  She went on to tell me part of the floor had given way and Abigail's leg went down into it. 

Now, my first duty was to make sure with my own eyes that Abigail was okay.  I gave her a good look over, I found she was no worse for the wear, she could walk and even though she was shaken up a bit, had some scrapes and bruises were sure to follow, I knew she would live.  I took it in stride knowing that this could only happen to my child. Can I get an Amen?

Of course, now she's okay but I quickly realize her teacher is not.  I assured her there was no reason to fret! This is just another notch in my black cloud.  "Lets face it," I said, "If it wasn't her it would have been Sarah!" (who had class earlier in the day).  This evoked laughter because oddly enough, the spot in the floor is exactly where little bit stands in dance class.  I told them had it been Sarah she would have gone all the way through, landed, looked up and said, "REALLY?". It's just how she rolls! The bottom line is, while it sucks Abigail's leg went through the floor and it tried to swallow her up, it could have been a lot worse.  THAT, my friends is perspective! 

What I have gained through all this torment lately is I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  You aren't always going to come out on top in every situation but you can certainly try.  You can also try to remain calm, silent, listen and wait for the lesson you are being taught. It's a choice.

In closing I offer you this......

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity

I Beg Your Pardon

 

I have another incident to report my friends, last night my daughter Abigail was dancing at her dance studio when a portion of the floor gave way and one of her legs went through.  She is okay other than a few scratches and bruises.

I woke up with this song in my head.  The name of this song, "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden".  The line that really sticks out to me is, "Along with sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes" To me this screams perspective!

I will be blogging later about this particular topic...for now I must focus on my day.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

It's Almost Comical

I want to know which one of you asked, "What's Next?'.  I am pretty sure I made it clear no one was supposed to ask!  Just so we are all up to date; sheets, screen door, couch, workout bench, ice maker, water heater and stove. 

Drum roll please..........................................................................................................................and now;

SOMEONE STOLE OLIVIA'S SANDALS AT GYMNASTICS TONIGHT! 

Thank you sir may I have another? 

Really?  I haven't had enough....bring it on!  In the jingle for a popular fast food chain, I'm loving it!

When it came to my attention via Olivia she couldn't find her shoes, I sorta thought she was joking.  Why?  I don't know!  I couldn't believe someone would take a child's shoes.  Was it possible someone mistakenly took them?  Sure, sure it was.  However, wouldn't there be a pair of shoes left behind?  I am sad to report, there was NOT. Baby girl was without shoes and required a piggy back to our car. 

We stopped at Wendy's on the way home and got her a frosty since that was in my minuscule budget. I felt bad because she loved the sandals and did a great job hanging with the big girls in her make-up class.

That's it for now.  Tomorrow is a new day and I am hoping against hope!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Karma This!

As you all know, my black cloud has been a serious thorn in my side lately.  As of late, I have had to replace my couch and water heater, my ice maker is broken and my check engine light decided to show me that it works! I bet you think, "Queen of Insanity, it can't get any worse!" but I assure you it has, it has gotten way worse.  I have had two more incidents since the check engine light came one.

The first incident was with an actual person rather than an appliance or vehicle.  In order to protect the identity of this person, I just won't be using their name.  I don't want to even begin to try and make up a fictitious one for fear that I could further upset them.  Regardless, this person took offense to a quote I put on my Facebook page.  Here is the quote in question: "Some people create their own storms, then get upset when it rains!" 

Let's examine, shall we? I think this statement is true and applies to many people.  Right now you are are probably thinking of all kinds of people in your life this might apply to.  If you read my blog regularly, you might have some guesses of who this would apply to in my life. It could apply to any of the following; parents at gymnastics, the kids or parents at dance class, another friend or any number of people I run into out in the world.  I literally see this quote walking all over the place! My question is this - If one can become so offended by this statement to the point they feel it necessary to bash me in a public forum, then become so enraged they unfriend me and several of our mutual acquaintances without me saying a single word, what storm did they create? It's a fair question, don't ya think?

I would contend there is no tone to a Facebook post, it's similar to a text message - no tone. In this occurrence, they were simply typed words which were apparently misconstrued and made into a subliminal message.  Way to make something into something it simply isn't! The reaction to a simple quote was hurtful and can't be taken back.  Sadly, this whole situation could have been avoided if  hurt feelings had simply been verbally expressed.  Instead and prior to ending our Facebook relationship, Bad Karma was wished upon me...in fact they hope it "F's me UP". Newsflash, someone  beat you to it, a long time ago! Someone is obviously not reading my blog :O)

The second incident happened this evening and involved yet another appliance, my stove.  The girls and I were hungry and Scott had left to go turkey hunting (gobble gobble gobble - I just couldn't resist!).  I decided to make something quick and easy, Chef Boyardee pizza, easy enough, right?  The oven turned on, was set to 425 degrees, I mixed up the dough, covered it up and placed it on the oven to rise. Finally the beep rang out signaling the oven was preheated and I dutifully rolled out the dough on pizza pans.  Sarah helped put on the toppings and in the oven it went.  I set the timer and walked away - the time 6:45 pm.

7:02 pm - Timer goes off.  Pizza is not even close to done but looks like it's beginning to cook.
7:03 pm - Reset the timer
7:15 pm - Check pizza again....still no further along than before...close the oven door
7:16 pm - MOM!!! I'm hungry!!!!  How much longer?  Can I have a snack Mom?
7:33 pm - I call Scott and tell him about the most recent problem.  He tells me to try the broiler. 
*Please note the broiler did work and I continued to cook pizza under the broiler (I DO NOT recommend this cooking method)
7:40 pm - Give up on the oven all together, take the pizza out and we eat the half cooked crust pizza

Yes, these are the days of my life, my friends.  Next time I post something on Facebook, feel free to assume it is about you, hate my guts and know without a doubt, Karma is already kicking my ass!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Check Engine Light

I just got home from Urgent Care with Miss Olivia.  She doesn't have strep, she doesn't have the flu, just a virus with a 103.8 fever!  I am not an alarmist but her symptoms were consistent with strep, hence the reason I took her. 

On the way home, my check engine light came on.  I dont' think I need to comment any further.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Never Ask

Dear Followers,

I think I want to call my followers, my Insanity Court.  How do you feel about that? I believe you could also be referred to as ladies in waiting albeit, I do have a man following me too.  Perhaps, I could refer to ya'll as The Insanity Court and Joker? I don't think he would be offended since he is after all, married to me!  So let's try this again, shall we?

Dear Insanity Court and Joker,

It's important we discuss this important topic today. You may very well think what I am going to discussing is common sense but you would be wrong, I assure you.

Never, NEVER, EVER and in case you didn't catch my meaning NEVER ask yourself, "What's next?" when you are having string of bad luck - My sister and I also refer to this phenomenon as, "The Black Cloud".  Personally, the reference is a great metaphor in our lives, if I do say so myself.  Bad luck hovers, travels, its dark and even sinister.  Anyone care to disagree?  Didn't think so but thought it would be dutiful to check. Up until recently, we (my sister and I) rarely had the black cloud at the same time.  As of late, we have not been so lucky.  However, I will stop right there because this blog is about me, myself and I.

This particular reign of terror began a few weeks ago and it started with the newest member of our clan, DaMira.  Damira, for all of her sweet and loving ways is a holy terror.  Not only is she rotton but she has severe separation anxiety from her handler, the Joker.  The first act of terror was when I went out on our deck for a smoke and closed the screen door behind me.  Mira decided she wanted to come out for a smoke too but evidently waiting for someone to open the screen for her wasn't a option.  On the bright side, we now have a fully accessible doggie door! *My bestie is always looking for a silver lining in times of adversity.  (I am trying)*  While I wasn't so thrilled about the new bug entry to the house, I got over it pretty quickly.  We don't have to have a whole new screen door, just the screen and the Joker can probably handle the task.  A day or two later my husband and I went upstairs to go to bed.  Scott went to get in bed and said, "What the hello kitty?"!  I walked over to see what he was seeing and there it was, a three foot rip in our king size sheets! If you have a king size bed, there is no need to explain the anger I felt at the discovery of my favorite sheets demise. These incidents were followed by an even bigger tragedy.

All the children were on spring break and in an attempt to do something fun with them we stayed at a local hotel.  Did I blog about this already?  I feel like I have or may be it's just still so fresh in my mind!  Anyway, we arranged for our neighbor to let the dogs out in our absence and went on our merry way. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express that had a fun little pool area for the kids to swim, we went to dinner, we swam and swam some more.  The following morning Scott left to work a special duty job while the girls and I got a late check-out and continued the swim fest.  Finally around late afternoon we made the 25 minute trek home.  Upon arrival, I ran into the house to use the lieu and the kids started carrying stuff in.  As I emerged from the restroom, Olivia stood staring at the end of our sectional couch and cried out, "OOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS!  MOM, you are going to be sooooo mad!" I couldn't help but laugh at first because quite frankly, the way she exclaimed was hilarious!  I walked around to where she was and there it was, mad doesn't quite cover it.  I was downright fit to be tied.  In fact, the children knew immediately how ticked I was and let's just say I have NEVER seen them do their chores so quickly and without goading.  DaMira ate the couch!  There was stuffing all over the place and holes of various size ripped here and there.  Mad, yeah, doesn't even cover it-period. And so began my search for a replacement on a zero budget.

But wait, there's more!  I bet you thought that was it but you thought wrong, huh?  About two weeks after the "couch incident" we went out to our land to cut the grass, trees and let the kids ride their four-wheelers.  Mira had to go into her crate in the basement workout room for obvious reasons.  We had a great time at the land.  When we got home Scott sent Abigail to the basement to let her out while he unloaded the truck.  She came back up and said, "Didn't Dad say to let her out of the crate?"  to which I replied, "Why yes he did!"and said, "Well she wasn't in her crate.".  At this point I am totally confused because Torros would have never gotten out of the crate and furthermore, how DID Mira manage this escape?  Mira aka: Houdini, had in fact gotten out of the crate.  She ate, yes ate, a hole in the side and somehow managed to escape through the door. This wasn't without injury to her, she broke off one of her nails and left a trail of blood.  I am sad to report this was not a one time incident with her.  She did it again this past weekend but this time she ate part of Scott's workout bench.  He was not a happy camper.  I, however, felt a sense of justice. Enough about ole Houdini, our calamities extend past her psycho behavior - believe it or not!

Last Thursday, I went to the dispenser to get a cup full of ice for my tall glass of water and much to my dismay, no ice fell into my cup.  Okay, seriously?  Where is the ice?  This can NOT be happening to me.  I want, no need ice in my water, lots of it.  This confused me and so I opened up the door and took out the ice bin.  No ice, for real.  Serious problem here.  I immediately tell Scott and he asks for the manual.  Murphy's law takes hold and the manual is no where to be found.  All hail the Internet! Upon finding the manual online, we carefully follow all the steps; make sure ice bin is fully inserted, reset the ice maker and wait.  Wait we did and the ice has yet to appear my friends.  This is like hell on earth for me.  I need ice in my water!  Please don't suggest ice trays to me, okay?  They sell perfectly good ice cubes prepackaged these days.  Regardless, my children would make using ice cube trays like my trips to the bathroom, going in only to discover there is no toilet paper on the roll!  (That one is for you Amanda Sue Jane!)

Monday, dreaded Monday.  Scott goes downstairs for something and when he comes back up and says to me, "The water heater is leaking".  I don't know what this is supposed to mean to me? My knowledge of water heaters along with other household appliances is limited. Does it mean I can't take a hot shower?  Oh I know, I know!!!  You have to drain it and then we're all good?? No?  I am confused...what does this mean?  For those of you who know as much as me, it needs replaced.  YAY!  Just what I want to spend my non-existent money on - a new water heater!!!  Can I get a WOOT WOOT??? 

Now, just when you think it can't get any worse and you want to ask the question, I implore you, don't do it!  The universe will take it as a challenge and something WILL happen. Something more is always in store for you, right around the corner! It could be hiding in your car, your basement, your kids' backpack, you never know where it is.  So rise up my friends, rise against the Nike motto and Just DON'T do it!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Please Don't....

I have made some observations lately about some things people should refrain from.  Here are a few of those "things".

1.  If your rear bumper is held on and up by a bungee cord, two of your windows are covered in plastic wrap and your front hood is smashed in, you have absolutely no business in the fast lane.

2.  If you are over the age of, oh I don't know, ten, you have no business wearing piggy tails!

3  Unless you are deathly ill and couldn't find someone to go to the store for you, don't wear you pajamas to the store.  This is unless you are going to Walmart, then of course throw on your slippers too!

4.  Your bathrobe is exactly what it's named for, don't wear it as a coat.
There should be more of these but right now I am feeling a bit brain dead, so these will do for now.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Spring Cleaning

It's that time of year!  Everyone is inspired by the warmer weather to begin their spring cleaning and yard work.  I know, don't freak out, I didn't mean I was inspired!  Oh no, just people in general. 

A few weeks ago, I began going through hand-me-downs, trying to figure out who needed what.  Of course, the only person in this house that doesn't need anything is Miss Sarah.  She actually has enough clothing for me to get out of doing any of her laundry till mid-July!  *Note to self:  Buy her a bigger hamper*

Of course the twins are not so lucky!  They really don't have anyone to hand them down anything and if they did, they probably wouldn't wear it.  Teenagers are such freaks about clothing!  They act like anything touched by another human being is contaminated.  Why don't they understand the concept of washing?  I have recently discovered the art of thrifting.  For those of you who don't know the term, it simply means going to a store such as Goodwill, Amvets or Volunteers of America and sifting through racks and racks of used items.  I have tried to explain to the girls it is "Green", we are saving the earth!  Doesn't everyone want to save the earth?  Apparently not my offspring!  My motivation isn't really saving the earth either, I just need to save as much money as possible on clothing four children. They prefer consignment stores and I guess that's okay too but thrift stores are still cheaper.

Then there is Olivia.  She needs summer clothes but the problem with her is she is so tall and skinny!  All I know is, it's a good thing she loves dresses because we have a heck of a time finding her anything with a waistband.  Of course dresses have become another issue, she is no longer in the cutesy 4-6x section. She has moved up to the 7 - 14 section and let me tell you the dresses there leave something to be desired.  Why you ask?  Ummmm, well she isn't 17 years old, that's why!  Some of the dresses in this clothing section are a little to risque for my almost seven year old to wear.

Anyway, Scott and I switched our clothes out.  His clothes all still fit, mine not so much but I will squeeze my butt into them. 

And now I must go, let the running begin!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

The Downside of Kids and Cell Phones

Right now, my twins are in North Carolina with their Grandparents.  My father-in-law went to pick up his wife from a visit with her family and she thought it would be a fabulous idea for them to go along with him.  I suppose to keep him company!  Whatever the reason, I was completely down with it, despite the fact that they would miss a couple days of school.  Don't judge me....I deserve some peace and quiet after the hair brush incident!

Today they both (the children) started texting me, they were having a dispute.  Honestly, I am not sure why they felt it necessary to include me in their falling out from 750 miles away.  What did they expect of me? There is absolutely nothing I can do from home.  Talk them down?  Yes, this was my only option. 

For an hour, yes an HOUR, I texted back and forth with both of them.  It went a little something like this;

Child A:  MOM! Child B is soooo mean! She yelled at me, pushed me and took my phone!
Me:  Why?  Do you have your phone back?  (DUH!  I know, stupid question)

Child B:  MOM! I took a picture of Child A, it's so cute and she got mad and said it's horrible.
*sends me picture - it was cute
Me:  Why did she get mad?
Child B:  Child A is grumpy today. She didn't get enough sleep and now she is taking it out on me. 
Me:  She said you hit her and took her phone? Why did you do that?

Child A:  Yes Mom, Obviously I have my phone back.  But really, she is being mean and I did NOTHING MOM!
Me: Just ignore her!

Child B:  She made me mad!
Me:  I don't care, you know better and I hope you aren't embarrassing me!
Child B:  No Mom!  It's just she is mean....
Me:  Seriously?  Have you met yourself?
Child B:  Just don't talk to her, move on and get along.

Child A (She is a much slower texter):  Mom, you know I try to ignore her but she is so mean!
Me:  I don't know what you want from me right now? I am not there and can do nothing!
Child A:  Me either...

Child B:  She egging me on Mom
Me:  Ummm....just be good...PERIOD...and keep your hands off her phone.

WHY?  I just wanna know why they feel it necessary to ruin my vacation from them by including me in their silly argument!?! Furthermore, they best not be making me look like a bad parent.  The last words I spoke to them when I left them were, "Be good and use your manners!"  Their reply, "We always do Mom!" 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

What's The Big Hairy Deal?

Oh I am going to tell you what the big hairy deal is!  Hair brushes...that's the deal.  Over the past 13.5 years, I have purchased more than my fair share of hair brushes.  I have bought combs, hair clips, headbands, barrettes, rubber bands, you name it, if it's for tending one's hair, I have bought it!  Problem is, once it enters this house it goes into the abyss. 

A couple of nights ago, we were having a regular ole night.  Everyone was getting ready for bed and out of the basement, Abigail emerged.  She was upset and when she is upset, everyone had better be on high alert (she is after all a "young" teenager)!  The conversation went something like this;

Me:  Whatever is the matter my child?

Her:  I can not find MY hairbrush!  *insert hysterical tears*

Me:  Oh dear!  Welcome to MY world my child!

Her:  No Mom, I am SERIOUS!  Where is it?  I left it in my bathroom and it is gone!

*At this point, I send the other three children to the bomb shelter.

Me:  Well Abigail, I am sorry that you can't find YOUR hairbrush...if it's any consolation, I have been unable to locate any of my hair brushes for a good 13 years!

Her:  But this is MY hair brush.  I NEED IT!  I left it in MY bathroom and now it's gone. 

Me:  Yes, you said that.  What is wrong with you?  It's a hair brush Abigail.  If you look around you might find a comb under the couch, in the toaster or who knows where.

Her:  I can't find MY cellphone either Mom! I don't know where it is.  It was in my dance bag and now it is gone too!

Me:  You want me to call it? 

Her:  No!  It's on vibrate!

I walk away shaking my head and secretly wondering what I ever did to deserve such bliss! 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Please note, the hair brush was found within mere minutes of this conversation in her dance bag and Olivia located her cell phone in the backseat of my car the next day.