One Day At A Time

Great news, yesterday was without incident!  I waited all day with baited breath for some calamity to strike but nothing happened.  WOOT WOOT!  In fact I got some good news, they found Olivia's sandals at the gym.  Where were they?  In the bathroom trashcan.  Which begs the question, "Who would put her sandals in the trash?"  I could ponder on this idea for some time but I am going to focus on the positive - Sandals were found and that's enough for me.

The past month (give or take a year) has been very trying, so much has happened in just the past week and it has given me pause.  I have come to the conclusion, I must take it one day at a time. I have seen a quote on Facebook floating around a lot lately; Sometimes we expect more from others, because we'd be willing to do much more for them.  This particular quote is so true in so many ways.  But it also begs the question, "Are my expectations realistic?". In my humble ole opinion, I would say the answer to this is split and complicated. I am going to examine this phenomenon of expectations. 

Please hold for a moment while I reference my Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary..........
Thank you for patience, I decided I am going with Dictionary.com again because it is easier to cut and paste. Not to mention, my dictionary made it more complicated than it had to be.  Please see the definition posted below.

ex·pec·ta·tion

   /ˌɛkspɛkˈteɪʃən/ Show Spelled[ek-spek-tey-shuhn] Show IPA

noun

1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in

2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

Today we will be discussing expectation in explanation to definitions 1-4.  Let's face it, definition five does NOT apply to me or any of my friends at this juncture.

Now that you have had time to review, contemplate and absorb the definitions of expectation, I would like to begin by giving some examples of unrealistic and realistic expectations, k?

Unrealistic Expectations

1.  Expecting your flowers/plants to thrive when you don't tend to them.

2.  Expecting people not to stare when you wear your pajamas in public.

3.  Expecting your car to get you 100 miles away when your gas light is on.

4.  Expecting the sun to shine every day.

5.  Expecting everyone to love you unconditionally.

Realistic Expectations

1.  You will have to pay taxes.

2.  You will die at some point.

The truth is expectations are just that - expectations. Not only are they expectations but they are YOUR'S and YOUR's alone.  You can will it to happen, want it worse than anything in this world and it won't make it so.  Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to steal anyone's joyous outlook on the world.  In this life you are going to be let down by someone or something because you have made an unrealistic assumption (You know what they say about assuming, right?). To this I say, sometimes you need to lower your expectations.  Just because someone doesn't meet your expectations doesn't mean you should love them any less and vice versa, nor does it mean you should write them off.  Sometimes people have a lot on their own plates, get caught up in their busy lives and are wise enough to know when you really need them and when you don't.  And sometimes, just sometimes you need to reach out out to them and let them know you need their help. 

There are also times when you need not get caught up in people's choices despite how they affect your plight.  For instance, when people make a commitment to something and then half way in realize they aren't able to keep their promise. They knew the rules going in and if they choose to take another avenue, so be it! All you do really is smile and tell them you are really sorry they won't be there. There are consequences for everything and while it stinks for you, may be just may be they will look back one day and realize they could have handled it better. 

Life is full of lessons!  We are constantly learning, growing and changing - I am certainly an example of this.  I am not the same person I was at 25, 30 or 35 years old, now there are things that are inherent about me therefore I won't ever loose them.  Honestly, I love that I am outspoken and loud at times.  I also think my friends appreciate this about me because they always know where they stand with me. You should always be willing to lower your expectations and take the good with the bad. This is unless, you are being seriously abused and my suggestion to you is run like there's no tomorrow and never look back. 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

Perspective as defined by Dictionary.com (because I am too lazy to use my Meriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary);

per·spec·tive

   /pərˈspɛktɪv/ Show Spelled[per-spek-tiv] Show IPA

noun

1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.

2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.

3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.

4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.

5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.

We are going with the last three as they apply to my blog today.

Yesterday my twins had their 13 year check-ups.  Since their appointment was before the end of their school day, I had to pick them up early from school.  As I drove up to the school I noticed a group of about 10 boys chasing one boy wearing a white hoodie.  I saw one of them grab the hoodie in an attempt to catch him.  All of the sudden the boy was on the ground and all the kids were surrounding him.  At this point I had passed the scene and pulled into the school parking lot, my plan was to drive over to the area and make sure this kid was alright. However, as I turned into the school lot I saw a Deputy headed my way, so I flagged him down and told him what I saw. He informed me they were just horse playing, he had just been over there.  I begrudgingly took his word for it and sat in my car for a few minutes to assess the situation myself.  When I felt sure this kid was in no real danger, I went in and signed my girls out.

In this world, there are so many times we need to be sure of what we are really seeing.  The vast majority of times, we rely on our own perceptions. This is okay a great deal of the time.  Your perception speaks to your intuition and overall, this is a great tool.  However, there are times that what you see and what's really there are entirely different. For this reason, I implore you to always use a little something called logic when figuring out a given situation.  Don't be hasty in jumping to a conclusion about someones motives or actions.  The truth is, you don't know without being in the other persons shoes.  Their perception is their reality. 

As you all know (because you are a loyal followers) I have had quite a run of it lately.  All the drama with the dog, the appliances and so on. By Monday night I was exhausted of energy.  There was absolutely no way I could go on caring about all of these problems crumbling about me and made the decision to just let it go and move forward.  I do this a lot you know...I get all these obsessive compulsive thoughts going on and then after an unknown origin of time, done! I woke up yesterday and had a wonderfully touching post on my facebook from a very dear friend - I needed to hear it.  I thought, "Okay, this is good! This is going to work!".  A new attitude had invaded me!  My day went fairly well and then it happened.

I had just started dinner after returning home from gymnastics with Miss Liv.  Happily frying up some ground beef to make marzeti (frying because my stove is still broke and I can only use the burners) and then it happened - the phone rang.  I answered the phone, it was the dance studio calling to ask me to come up.  In my mind I thought okay, I gotta go - no biggie!  Told Scott I was leaving and asked him to finish up dinner. I suppose I thought they needed me for a costume issue or to watch, I don't know what I thought really.  When I got to the studio, I was met by one of her dance teachers at the door.  She said, "Every thing's okay, don't panic but Abigail had a little accident".  I didn't hear screaming or moaning so I assumed she was somewhat okay.  She went on to tell me part of the floor had given way and Abigail's leg went down into it. 

Now, my first duty was to make sure with my own eyes that Abigail was okay.  I gave her a good look over, I found she was no worse for the wear, she could walk and even though she was shaken up a bit, had some scrapes and bruises were sure to follow, I knew she would live.  I took it in stride knowing that this could only happen to my child. Can I get an Amen?

Of course, now she's okay but I quickly realize her teacher is not.  I assured her there was no reason to fret! This is just another notch in my black cloud.  "Lets face it," I said, "If it wasn't her it would have been Sarah!" (who had class earlier in the day).  This evoked laughter because oddly enough, the spot in the floor is exactly where little bit stands in dance class.  I told them had it been Sarah she would have gone all the way through, landed, looked up and said, "REALLY?". It's just how she rolls! The bottom line is, while it sucks Abigail's leg went through the floor and it tried to swallow her up, it could have been a lot worse.  THAT, my friends is perspective! 

What I have gained through all this torment lately is I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  You aren't always going to come out on top in every situation but you can certainly try.  You can also try to remain calm, silent, listen and wait for the lesson you are being taught. It's a choice.

In closing I offer you this......

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity

I Beg Your Pardon

 

I have another incident to report my friends, last night my daughter Abigail was dancing at her dance studio when a portion of the floor gave way and one of her legs went through.  She is okay other than a few scratches and bruises.

I woke up with this song in my head.  The name of this song, "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden".  The line that really sticks out to me is, "Along with sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes" To me this screams perspective!

I will be blogging later about this particular topic...for now I must focus on my day.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

It's Almost Comical

I want to know which one of you asked, "What's Next?'.  I am pretty sure I made it clear no one was supposed to ask!  Just so we are all up to date; sheets, screen door, couch, workout bench, ice maker, water heater and stove. 

Drum roll please..........................................................................................................................and now;

SOMEONE STOLE OLIVIA'S SANDALS AT GYMNASTICS TONIGHT! 

Thank you sir may I have another? 

Really?  I haven't had enough....bring it on!  In the jingle for a popular fast food chain, I'm loving it!

When it came to my attention via Olivia she couldn't find her shoes, I sorta thought she was joking.  Why?  I don't know!  I couldn't believe someone would take a child's shoes.  Was it possible someone mistakenly took them?  Sure, sure it was.  However, wouldn't there be a pair of shoes left behind?  I am sad to report, there was NOT. Baby girl was without shoes and required a piggy back to our car. 

We stopped at Wendy's on the way home and got her a frosty since that was in my minuscule budget. I felt bad because she loved the sandals and did a great job hanging with the big girls in her make-up class.

That's it for now.  Tomorrow is a new day and I am hoping against hope!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Karma This!

As you all know, my black cloud has been a serious thorn in my side lately.  As of late, I have had to replace my couch and water heater, my ice maker is broken and my check engine light decided to show me that it works! I bet you think, "Queen of Insanity, it can't get any worse!" but I assure you it has, it has gotten way worse.  I have had two more incidents since the check engine light came one.

The first incident was with an actual person rather than an appliance or vehicle.  In order to protect the identity of this person, I just won't be using their name.  I don't want to even begin to try and make up a fictitious one for fear that I could further upset them.  Regardless, this person took offense to a quote I put on my Facebook page.  Here is the quote in question: "Some people create their own storms, then get upset when it rains!" 

Let's examine, shall we? I think this statement is true and applies to many people.  Right now you are are probably thinking of all kinds of people in your life this might apply to.  If you read my blog regularly, you might have some guesses of who this would apply to in my life. It could apply to any of the following; parents at gymnastics, the kids or parents at dance class, another friend or any number of people I run into out in the world.  I literally see this quote walking all over the place! My question is this - If one can become so offended by this statement to the point they feel it necessary to bash me in a public forum, then become so enraged they unfriend me and several of our mutual acquaintances without me saying a single word, what storm did they create? It's a fair question, don't ya think?

I would contend there is no tone to a Facebook post, it's similar to a text message - no tone. In this occurrence, they were simply typed words which were apparently misconstrued and made into a subliminal message.  Way to make something into something it simply isn't! The reaction to a simple quote was hurtful and can't be taken back.  Sadly, this whole situation could have been avoided if  hurt feelings had simply been verbally expressed.  Instead and prior to ending our Facebook relationship, Bad Karma was wished upon me...in fact they hope it "F's me UP". Newsflash, someone  beat you to it, a long time ago! Someone is obviously not reading my blog :O)

The second incident happened this evening and involved yet another appliance, my stove.  The girls and I were hungry and Scott had left to go turkey hunting (gobble gobble gobble - I just couldn't resist!).  I decided to make something quick and easy, Chef Boyardee pizza, easy enough, right?  The oven turned on, was set to 425 degrees, I mixed up the dough, covered it up and placed it on the oven to rise. Finally the beep rang out signaling the oven was preheated and I dutifully rolled out the dough on pizza pans.  Sarah helped put on the toppings and in the oven it went.  I set the timer and walked away - the time 6:45 pm.

7:02 pm - Timer goes off.  Pizza is not even close to done but looks like it's beginning to cook.
7:03 pm - Reset the timer
7:15 pm - Check pizza again....still no further along than before...close the oven door
7:16 pm - MOM!!! I'm hungry!!!!  How much longer?  Can I have a snack Mom?
7:33 pm - I call Scott and tell him about the most recent problem.  He tells me to try the broiler. 
*Please note the broiler did work and I continued to cook pizza under the broiler (I DO NOT recommend this cooking method)
7:40 pm - Give up on the oven all together, take the pizza out and we eat the half cooked crust pizza

Yes, these are the days of my life, my friends.  Next time I post something on Facebook, feel free to assume it is about you, hate my guts and know without a doubt, Karma is already kicking my ass!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Check Engine Light

I just got home from Urgent Care with Miss Olivia.  She doesn't have strep, she doesn't have the flu, just a virus with a 103.8 fever!  I am not an alarmist but her symptoms were consistent with strep, hence the reason I took her. 

On the way home, my check engine light came on.  I dont' think I need to comment any further.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Never Ask

Dear Followers,

I think I want to call my followers, my Insanity Court.  How do you feel about that? I believe you could also be referred to as ladies in waiting albeit, I do have a man following me too.  Perhaps, I could refer to ya'll as The Insanity Court and Joker? I don't think he would be offended since he is after all, married to me!  So let's try this again, shall we?

Dear Insanity Court and Joker,

It's important we discuss this important topic today. You may very well think what I am going to discussing is common sense but you would be wrong, I assure you.

Never, NEVER, EVER and in case you didn't catch my meaning NEVER ask yourself, "What's next?" when you are having string of bad luck - My sister and I also refer to this phenomenon as, "The Black Cloud".  Personally, the reference is a great metaphor in our lives, if I do say so myself.  Bad luck hovers, travels, its dark and even sinister.  Anyone care to disagree?  Didn't think so but thought it would be dutiful to check. Up until recently, we (my sister and I) rarely had the black cloud at the same time.  As of late, we have not been so lucky.  However, I will stop right there because this blog is about me, myself and I.

This particular reign of terror began a few weeks ago and it started with the newest member of our clan, DaMira.  Damira, for all of her sweet and loving ways is a holy terror.  Not only is she rotton but she has severe separation anxiety from her handler, the Joker.  The first act of terror was when I went out on our deck for a smoke and closed the screen door behind me.  Mira decided she wanted to come out for a smoke too but evidently waiting for someone to open the screen for her wasn't a option.  On the bright side, we now have a fully accessible doggie door! *My bestie is always looking for a silver lining in times of adversity.  (I am trying)*  While I wasn't so thrilled about the new bug entry to the house, I got over it pretty quickly.  We don't have to have a whole new screen door, just the screen and the Joker can probably handle the task.  A day or two later my husband and I went upstairs to go to bed.  Scott went to get in bed and said, "What the hello kitty?"!  I walked over to see what he was seeing and there it was, a three foot rip in our king size sheets! If you have a king size bed, there is no need to explain the anger I felt at the discovery of my favorite sheets demise. These incidents were followed by an even bigger tragedy.

All the children were on spring break and in an attempt to do something fun with them we stayed at a local hotel.  Did I blog about this already?  I feel like I have or may be it's just still so fresh in my mind!  Anyway, we arranged for our neighbor to let the dogs out in our absence and went on our merry way. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express that had a fun little pool area for the kids to swim, we went to dinner, we swam and swam some more.  The following morning Scott left to work a special duty job while the girls and I got a late check-out and continued the swim fest.  Finally around late afternoon we made the 25 minute trek home.  Upon arrival, I ran into the house to use the lieu and the kids started carrying stuff in.  As I emerged from the restroom, Olivia stood staring at the end of our sectional couch and cried out, "OOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS!  MOM, you are going to be sooooo mad!" I couldn't help but laugh at first because quite frankly, the way she exclaimed was hilarious!  I walked around to where she was and there it was, mad doesn't quite cover it.  I was downright fit to be tied.  In fact, the children knew immediately how ticked I was and let's just say I have NEVER seen them do their chores so quickly and without goading.  DaMira ate the couch!  There was stuffing all over the place and holes of various size ripped here and there.  Mad, yeah, doesn't even cover it-period. And so began my search for a replacement on a zero budget.

But wait, there's more!  I bet you thought that was it but you thought wrong, huh?  About two weeks after the "couch incident" we went out to our land to cut the grass, trees and let the kids ride their four-wheelers.  Mira had to go into her crate in the basement workout room for obvious reasons.  We had a great time at the land.  When we got home Scott sent Abigail to the basement to let her out while he unloaded the truck.  She came back up and said, "Didn't Dad say to let her out of the crate?"  to which I replied, "Why yes he did!"and said, "Well she wasn't in her crate.".  At this point I am totally confused because Torros would have never gotten out of the crate and furthermore, how DID Mira manage this escape?  Mira aka: Houdini, had in fact gotten out of the crate.  She ate, yes ate, a hole in the side and somehow managed to escape through the door. This wasn't without injury to her, she broke off one of her nails and left a trail of blood.  I am sad to report this was not a one time incident with her.  She did it again this past weekend but this time she ate part of Scott's workout bench.  He was not a happy camper.  I, however, felt a sense of justice. Enough about ole Houdini, our calamities extend past her psycho behavior - believe it or not!

Last Thursday, I went to the dispenser to get a cup full of ice for my tall glass of water and much to my dismay, no ice fell into my cup.  Okay, seriously?  Where is the ice?  This can NOT be happening to me.  I want, no need ice in my water, lots of it.  This confused me and so I opened up the door and took out the ice bin.  No ice, for real.  Serious problem here.  I immediately tell Scott and he asks for the manual.  Murphy's law takes hold and the manual is no where to be found.  All hail the Internet! Upon finding the manual online, we carefully follow all the steps; make sure ice bin is fully inserted, reset the ice maker and wait.  Wait we did and the ice has yet to appear my friends.  This is like hell on earth for me.  I need ice in my water!  Please don't suggest ice trays to me, okay?  They sell perfectly good ice cubes prepackaged these days.  Regardless, my children would make using ice cube trays like my trips to the bathroom, going in only to discover there is no toilet paper on the roll!  (That one is for you Amanda Sue Jane!)

Monday, dreaded Monday.  Scott goes downstairs for something and when he comes back up and says to me, "The water heater is leaking".  I don't know what this is supposed to mean to me? My knowledge of water heaters along with other household appliances is limited. Does it mean I can't take a hot shower?  Oh I know, I know!!!  You have to drain it and then we're all good?? No?  I am confused...what does this mean?  For those of you who know as much as me, it needs replaced.  YAY!  Just what I want to spend my non-existent money on - a new water heater!!!  Can I get a WOOT WOOT??? 

Now, just when you think it can't get any worse and you want to ask the question, I implore you, don't do it!  The universe will take it as a challenge and something WILL happen. Something more is always in store for you, right around the corner! It could be hiding in your car, your basement, your kids' backpack, you never know where it is.  So rise up my friends, rise against the Nike motto and Just DON'T do it!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Please Don't....

I have made some observations lately about some things people should refrain from.  Here are a few of those "things".

1.  If your rear bumper is held on and up by a bungee cord, two of your windows are covered in plastic wrap and your front hood is smashed in, you have absolutely no business in the fast lane.

2.  If you are over the age of, oh I don't know, ten, you have no business wearing piggy tails!

3  Unless you are deathly ill and couldn't find someone to go to the store for you, don't wear you pajamas to the store.  This is unless you are going to Walmart, then of course throw on your slippers too!

4.  Your bathrobe is exactly what it's named for, don't wear it as a coat.
There should be more of these but right now I am feeling a bit brain dead, so these will do for now.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Spring Cleaning

It's that time of year!  Everyone is inspired by the warmer weather to begin their spring cleaning and yard work.  I know, don't freak out, I didn't mean I was inspired!  Oh no, just people in general. 

A few weeks ago, I began going through hand-me-downs, trying to figure out who needed what.  Of course, the only person in this house that doesn't need anything is Miss Sarah.  She actually has enough clothing for me to get out of doing any of her laundry till mid-July!  *Note to self:  Buy her a bigger hamper*

Of course the twins are not so lucky!  They really don't have anyone to hand them down anything and if they did, they probably wouldn't wear it.  Teenagers are such freaks about clothing!  They act like anything touched by another human being is contaminated.  Why don't they understand the concept of washing?  I have recently discovered the art of thrifting.  For those of you who don't know the term, it simply means going to a store such as Goodwill, Amvets or Volunteers of America and sifting through racks and racks of used items.  I have tried to explain to the girls it is "Green", we are saving the earth!  Doesn't everyone want to save the earth?  Apparently not my offspring!  My motivation isn't really saving the earth either, I just need to save as much money as possible on clothing four children. They prefer consignment stores and I guess that's okay too but thrift stores are still cheaper.

Then there is Olivia.  She needs summer clothes but the problem with her is she is so tall and skinny!  All I know is, it's a good thing she loves dresses because we have a heck of a time finding her anything with a waistband.  Of course dresses have become another issue, she is no longer in the cutesy 4-6x section. She has moved up to the 7 - 14 section and let me tell you the dresses there leave something to be desired.  Why you ask?  Ummmm, well she isn't 17 years old, that's why!  Some of the dresses in this clothing section are a little to risque for my almost seven year old to wear.

Anyway, Scott and I switched our clothes out.  His clothes all still fit, mine not so much but I will squeeze my butt into them. 

And now I must go, let the running begin!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

The Downside of Kids and Cell Phones

Right now, my twins are in North Carolina with their Grandparents.  My father-in-law went to pick up his wife from a visit with her family and she thought it would be a fabulous idea for them to go along with him.  I suppose to keep him company!  Whatever the reason, I was completely down with it, despite the fact that they would miss a couple days of school.  Don't judge me....I deserve some peace and quiet after the hair brush incident!

Today they both (the children) started texting me, they were having a dispute.  Honestly, I am not sure why they felt it necessary to include me in their falling out from 750 miles away.  What did they expect of me? There is absolutely nothing I can do from home.  Talk them down?  Yes, this was my only option. 

For an hour, yes an HOUR, I texted back and forth with both of them.  It went a little something like this;

Child A:  MOM! Child B is soooo mean! She yelled at me, pushed me and took my phone!
Me:  Why?  Do you have your phone back?  (DUH!  I know, stupid question)

Child B:  MOM! I took a picture of Child A, it's so cute and she got mad and said it's horrible.
*sends me picture - it was cute
Me:  Why did she get mad?
Child B:  Child A is grumpy today. She didn't get enough sleep and now she is taking it out on me. 
Me:  She said you hit her and took her phone? Why did you do that?

Child A:  Yes Mom, Obviously I have my phone back.  But really, she is being mean and I did NOTHING MOM!
Me: Just ignore her!

Child B:  She made me mad!
Me:  I don't care, you know better and I hope you aren't embarrassing me!
Child B:  No Mom!  It's just she is mean....
Me:  Seriously?  Have you met yourself?
Child B:  Just don't talk to her, move on and get along.

Child A (She is a much slower texter):  Mom, you know I try to ignore her but she is so mean!
Me:  I don't know what you want from me right now? I am not there and can do nothing!
Child A:  Me either...

Child B:  She egging me on Mom
Me:  Ummm....just be good...PERIOD...and keep your hands off her phone.

WHY?  I just wanna know why they feel it necessary to ruin my vacation from them by including me in their silly argument!?! Furthermore, they best not be making me look like a bad parent.  The last words I spoke to them when I left them were, "Be good and use your manners!"  Their reply, "We always do Mom!" 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

What's The Big Hairy Deal?

Oh I am going to tell you what the big hairy deal is!  Hair brushes...that's the deal.  Over the past 13.5 years, I have purchased more than my fair share of hair brushes.  I have bought combs, hair clips, headbands, barrettes, rubber bands, you name it, if it's for tending one's hair, I have bought it!  Problem is, once it enters this house it goes into the abyss. 

A couple of nights ago, we were having a regular ole night.  Everyone was getting ready for bed and out of the basement, Abigail emerged.  She was upset and when she is upset, everyone had better be on high alert (she is after all a "young" teenager)!  The conversation went something like this;

Me:  Whatever is the matter my child?

Her:  I can not find MY hairbrush!  *insert hysterical tears*

Me:  Oh dear!  Welcome to MY world my child!

Her:  No Mom, I am SERIOUS!  Where is it?  I left it in my bathroom and it is gone!

*At this point, I send the other three children to the bomb shelter.

Me:  Well Abigail, I am sorry that you can't find YOUR hairbrush...if it's any consolation, I have been unable to locate any of my hair brushes for a good 13 years!

Her:  But this is MY hair brush.  I NEED IT!  I left it in MY bathroom and now it's gone. 

Me:  Yes, you said that.  What is wrong with you?  It's a hair brush Abigail.  If you look around you might find a comb under the couch, in the toaster or who knows where.

Her:  I can't find MY cellphone either Mom! I don't know where it is.  It was in my dance bag and now it is gone too!

Me:  You want me to call it? 

Her:  No!  It's on vibrate!

I walk away shaking my head and secretly wondering what I ever did to deserve such bliss! 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Please note, the hair brush was found within mere minutes of this conversation in her dance bag and Olivia located her cell phone in the backseat of my car the next day.

Competitive Sports Etiquette for Dummies

I would like to start by saying every parent "thinks" their child is a superstar! This is perfectly acceptable because as a parent, you should think your child is fabulous.  Your children are special gifts! You should cherish them and love them to your fullest ability (Even when they roll their eyes at you, tell you you're dumb and dress funny! LOVE LOVE LOVE). Where I draw the line is when you try to convince other people your superstar is better than their own.  It just won't work! There is no way you will be able to convince me your professionally trained, balletmet daughter is better than mine - Nope not going to happen, sorry.

For a few years now, we have been involved in the competitive dancing world.  I am sure if you have read any of these past blogs, you have a good idea of some of the things I have seen and heard over the years.  One of my girls plays soccer in the fall and even though it is a Christian organization with rules about parental behavior, there are still those parents who don't get it.  Recently, and you should know this by now, Olivia joined the world of gymnastics.  What I have to say about these kids' parents is WOW!

Before I go any further and start listing out some of my "Etiquette for Dummies", I want to make it clear that I take no issue with competitive sports.  In the real world there will always be a winner and a loser.  I actually take issue with the above mentioned soccer club because they don't keep score.  Seriously?  The kids immediately know who won and who lost.  Somehow, winning and losing are a necessary evil in our world.  Which brings me to;

Competitive Sports Etiquette For Dummies

1.  Be a graceful winner AND loser.  Teach your children to congratulate their opponent(s). 

2.  Commitment, it's not a four letter word.  Teach your children to finish what they start, be at practice every time (barring illness or emergency), be on time to said practice and put forth their best effort at all times.

3.  Respect , also not a four letter word.  Teach your children to have respect for their coaches.  After all, they are teaching them valuable lessons on how to perform to the best of their ability, cooperation, teamwork and so on.  Parents, this goes for you too!  Coaches have feelings, they care about your children and want them to do their best.  Respect their decisions and rules because they make them for a reason.  It's not to inconvenience you, they are for the greater good.  It's okay to disagree with something but be respectful in your approach with them and I assure you, you will get better results.

4.  Don't humiliate your child by screaming at them while they are performing.  You aren't the coach despite the fact that you may or may not have experience in the activity at large.  Encourage them to do their best by all means, but wait until they aren't in front of everyone to scold them. 

5.  Refrain from gossiping about coach(es) in their own facility and in front of your children.  Oh wait, this may go along with respect!

6.  Don't force your kids to live out your dreams!  Give the opportunities and let them take the lead in deciding what is best for them.  If your kid hates dance, don't make them stay in it because you had a dream of being a prima ballerina when you were a child.  Likewise, if they love dance and want to eat, sleep and drink it, let them!  It feels spectacular to see your children doing something the love! 

7.  Not only is your child no better than mine, you aren't better than me! Don't pull out your fancy talk on me and act like I am an idiot.  Answer my question directly, please don't talk in circles avoiding my question, I have A.D.D. and have enough trouble focusing on your first three words.  Either you know the answer or you don't. MmmmKay????

In conclusion, I am not sure what is up with parents today.  It's not your job to be your kids best friend, they are a dime a dozen at school.  Be a parent and teach your kids how to behave by being an example to them.  Consider it a gift to the world.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

*The use of the word dance was just an example, feel free to insert, softball, baseball, football, basketball, track, hockey, kickball, soccer, tennis, croquet, knitting, basket weaving or whatever it is your little superstar does.

*Also a shout out to my friend Stacee, with whom I want to actually write a book about this with! hahaha