Last Week In Review

Last Week In Review

1.  Drove kids all over kingdom come

2.  Cleaned up after the children

3.  Pissed off that no one in this house can pick up after themself

4.  Played referee for the children

5.  Wished there was a money tree growing in my backyard

5.  Avoided cooking at all costs

6.  Laid on the couch every night sulking about the woes of my life

7.  Tried to figure out why people do the things they do

8.  Laid on couch some more

9.  Gave up on cleaning the house

10.  Woke up Saturday and decided to suck it up

You see, my life was boring last week!  I am going to try and have a little more excitement this week.

Continued.......

If you are just catching up with my blog, you might want to come back to this after you have read the previous blog.

We picked up Tammy and went to Bill Baileys.  When we got there the first thing that we noticed was how packed it was.  Any other time we have been there have been a maximum of fifteen plus us.  On this particular night, someone was having a full out birthday party in there. The very next thing we noticed, a flippin' child.  Finally, we noticed there was a buffet of food!  Wow, did we ever hit the jackpot!

Usually, when we go to B.B.'s we are the largest group in there, that's if there are four of us going out.  The posse is usually at least six of us wild and crazy gals.  I know this seems like no big deal to some of you because you think, "It's a bar...there should be lots of people" But oh no, this place is a diamond in the rough as you might recall from yesterday's blog.  We finally found a table after about 1 minute and made our way to the bar five feet away for drinks. 

After we settled in we noticed the man child.  He looked to be about 10 years old.  What I can't figure out is why you would take your 10 year old into a bar for a birthday party.  Did they not want to pay a babysitter?  Personally, I think it is a lack of judgement on the parents.  However, if you take into account the kind of people hanging out in the joint, it makes perfect sense.  All of the sudden I am wondering what kind of people my friends and I are. Oh wait, we are people on a boojay! To be honest, we don't even fit in there but like I stated before we can do whatever in there and have no fear of ever running into them.  Well except in there!

Let's focus on the birthday party now, shall we?  They had appetizers all lined up.  There was cheese, crackers, a cheese ball, nachos, bread n butter pickles....Oh was it ever a feast!  We must have helped ourselves to at least 4 plates full of their goodies.  Eventually they brought out a cake and we helped ourselves to that as well.  Don't judge us!  It would have been rude not to celebrate this gals 30th birthday with them.  Honestly, we helped them relocate a lot of things that night.

Finally the bartender yelled last call and we were all shocked and dismayed.  It couldn't be 2am all ready!  Oh wait, we are at B.B.s...it must be one o'clock!  Time to relocate ourselves....

We decided to go to the Minute Bar but when we got there they turned out their lights.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Is it more expensive to get a liquor establishment license if you stay open past 1 am??? Luckily for us City Bar was right next door and still open.  Having never been in there before we were shocked to realize that we were pretty much the oldest people in the place.  At some point I had to use the restroom and took the 3 mile trek back to the bathroom.  On my way back there I hear them say something over the speakers and the next thing I know some big ole bouncers are pushing their way past me.  I make my way up the ramp towards the dance floor and began to hear yelling and then I saw some guy with his shirt off, ready to throw down.  On the other side of the dance floor is another guy foaming at the mouth as if he was getting ready to attack.  Everyone is gawking and all I can think about is that I have to pee.  I am not like these young people waiting to see the action, I have four children and my bladder is shot!  I decide to push forward and go right through the middle of the scuffle.  The moral of this story? When there is a fight on the dance floor, there is no line in the ladies room! WOOT WOOT! By the time I got out of the bathroom, I saw the naked chested dude being thrown out the backdoor and the other guy being escorted out the front. 

When they did last call here, we walked outside and discovered it was snowing.  My first thought, "SON OF A PREACHER MAN!" and now I have to drive home in this crap.  The youngins also leaving were scooping snow off their cars and having snowball fights, prancing around like it was the first they had ever seen snow.  This my friends is a sign that my age is creeping up on me!

Sunday, I slept in till 11 o'clock.  Tanya had all ready made coffee (GOD LOVE HER) and Garrett got started on biscuits and gravy (GOD LOVE HIM!).  They were magically delicious....finally it was time for Tanya and her crew to head home.  I hate when they leave!  Sarah and I had a nice quiet afternoon though.  We played Don't Break The Ice and read some Dr Seuss.  By late afternoon the other girls got home and at last we began getting ready for the week ahead.

Sincerely,
The Queen Of Insanity

What I Love About Having Four Daughters

By request I am updating my blog - Apparently, I am letting down one of my 13 followers!! So here it goes a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

My weekend in review: Friday night my bestie Michelle came over and we had a "Jeggins" night.  Jeggins you ask?  Well they are apparently really popular with the teens these days.  They are leggings that look like jeans.  I got mine on a whim, they were $1.98 - If you saw them, you would understand why! Shell and I wore them around the house...cuz that my friend's is how we roll!  Sometimes, it more fun to stay in and wear crazy comfortable clothes than to go out! We also like to have themed nights.  The only downfall to staying in is you are at the childrens' disposal.  BOOOOO!!! It wouldn't be so bad but the children are prone to make up dances and shows that we are then forced to view.  Luckily, Michelle and I are prone to A.D.D. and  quickly forget the torture that was bestowed up on us!  Any who, back to the jeggings, they are comfy but the problem I had with mine is they wouldn't stay up.  Anytime I moved they would slide down and show my butt crack! Needless to say, I will not be wearing them in public.  Well, that was never my intention anyway...Michelle and I also partook in some true TV and adult beverages.  However, we discovered we aren't spring chickens on Friday nights and she left at 11ish.

After she left, I decided to start a load of laundry when one of my lovely daughters came to the door.  Here is how the conversation went;

"Mom, those jeggins make your legs look skinny!"
"My legs ARE skinny!"
"No they aren't!" (Sarcastic eye rolling)
"Get the HELLO KITTY AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I KILL YOU!!!!"

Yes, I just LOVE having four daughters!  Here are some other instances of why I love having four girls:

"Hey Mom! Move your big butt out of my way!"

"Mom, You might want to do something about your mustache....it's getting prickly!"

"Mom, You should try to get on The Biggest Loser"

"Mom, you have a butt belly!"

"Mom, you have bad breath.....you need to go brush your teeth!"

"Seriously Mom! Are you really going to wear that?"

My favorite is when my three year old says to me, "WHY DO YOU HAVE MAKE-UP ON?? HMMM?" followed by, "Is Shell comin' over?". Which then leads to the question, "WHERE are YOU going?"
Really?  My three year old treats me like she is my Mother! I am just waiting for her to tell me I need o wipe some of my make-up off because I look like a hussy! I guess in her defense, I don't usually wear make-up unless I am going out.  Perhaps she is just concerned about my whereabouts???

Yes, these are just some of the things my lovely daughters say to me!  Aren't you jealous? I could go on and on with lots of other complimentary things they grace me with everyday but I think that is enough. I am sure you get the picture and quite frankly, it's depressing. Do they think I am unaware of the fact that I am short for my weight?  Do they not realize they are part of the original problem?  HELLO?  How do they think I got his way????  The twins, reeked havoc on my stomach but eventually I was able to recover. Then I had Olivia - who totally halted all the progress I had made.  By the time I had Sarah, well, I was just a hot mess! It is very difficult to bounce back from pregnancy at 35.  Eventually I did make progress and lost a good 40lbs.  Alas, all good things must come to an end, I gained every last bit of it back due to prescription meds and stress.  STRESS??  Why ever would I have stress in my life? Living in my house is like being in a popularity contest!  Do they like me today? Do I look okay?  Did I brush my teeth and use mouthwash? Good heavens' its a lot of pressure!

Now that I am depressed, I guess I will focus on more of my weekend.  At least that was more positive! Saturday my ever so precious daughters and I had hair appointments; as did Natalie and her two kids.  Ninety-five dollars later, the twins got highlights and trims, Olivia got her hair trimmed, Sarah got a bob because Emily got one and I got highlights and a trim.  So not only are my daughter's blessed with the gift of gab and sarcasm, they cost me a fortune! LOVE IT!

After our hair appointments were over, we had to rush home, get Emma, Abigail and Olivias' bags packed to stay over night with their Grandma Joyce, get something to eat and go to the rental house to show it to a couple of people. Have I mentioned how over rental properties I am?  Natalie was kind enough to go with me to show the house so that I didn't get raped or murdered.  Little does she know that my plan all along was to throw her to the murderous rapist while I made my getaway! JUST KIDDING!  Michelle and I watch way too many true murder mystery shows.  So while Natalie and I were risking life and limb to show my rental house, Grandma showed up to take the oldest three for child labor.....oh whoa...I mean an overnight!  Actually, I don't care what their Grandma does with them when she has them so long as they are out of my hair!  Sarah and I were going to enjoy a very peaceful afternoon!

Finally we arrived back at home and I finished up the straightening of my house before my company arrived.

Tanya, Garrett and Lauren (T's friend originally but now mine too) got here around 5:30pm, we ordered pizza and drank coffee. I might add, its not a great combo but I find as you get older you have to drink coffee in the evening to have any hope of making it past 11pm.  Shoot my sister has to drink 2.5 hours minimum of a 5 hour energy drink to stay up late! HA Just kidding well, may be not....Hmmm. Eventually, Tanya, Lauren and I got ready to go out. Sarah was all up in my kool-aid, wanting to know exactly why I was putting on make-up - This make-up situation is out of control people!!!  Finally, I escaped my house with the ladies and headed Old Bill Baileys.

I don't know if I have ever mentioned Bill Bailey's before, I can't imagine that I haven't.  Its a great little hole in the wall bar. I love that place for so many different reasons!  First of all, it is a treasure trove of freaks! Secondly, you can wear whatever (I think next time I am wearing my PJ'S...Michelle, you in????), say whatever, do whatever and no one thinks twice about it.  Lastly, their prices fit into my boojay! The one and only drawback is they close at 1am.  Last call at 12:40ish...I don't know why this tidbit comes as a surprise to us every single time we close the place down? We picked up Tammy and to Bill Baileys we went...

Sorry to leave you hanging but I do have other things I gotta get done right now....

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Where the Hello Kitty Have I Been???

Honestly, I just realized yesterday it has been quite sometime since I blogged.  In fact, I forgot that I even had a blog.  I must take this opportunity to apologize to all 12 of my loyal followers....Forgive me?

You see there's been a lot going on in my life.  For instance, my old renters left my house in shambles and it has taken quite sometime to get it back in order.  Everything had to be replaced.  I mean EVERYTHING!  NEW cabinets, NEW counter tops, NEW appliances, NEW kitchen and bathroom flooring, NEW carpet and NEW paint.  What's NEW at YOUR house Krissy?  Oh NOTHING!  But thank you so much for asking. Hahahaha Okay, that isn't entirely true, I did get new cabinet and drawer pulls for my kitchen cabinets which we were able to purchase from credit we got back from returning things we didn't need at the rental house.  WOOHOO!!!  Don't I feel special?  I just want new carpet in MY house.  Why?  Oh well, I have been living with yellow dog puke stained carpet for about four years now, compliments of Torros. Have you ever tried to strategically place furniture to cover up something? Geesh! Anyway, I am not bitter that my rental house is better condition then the one I live in.  May be I will move back into that house by myself!

Finding new renters for the house has not been an easy task.  Actually, I don't have renters as of yet.  I am hopeful someone who hasn't been ticketed for no-op's ten times in the past four years, been arrested for prostitution or drug use, isn't a liar  and who isn't currently being evicted will show up on my doorstep.  Ya never know, it could happen!  When I complain about the clientele to Scott he says, "Welcome to my world!" Really Scott?  WOW! He choose his occupation, slumlord was handed to me.  Enough about the rental situation because it only gets more depressing from here.  For instance, how we had no money to afford all these lovely upgrades to the house or to pay the extra mortgage payments for four months or the extra utilities but whatever, broke is the new black! ENOUGH ALL READY!!! Moving on....

I have a new addiction....Adele, Adele 19 and Adele 21.  Love her music and the lyrics to her songs.  I can't decide if she is bitter or what but all her music tends to give that impression. The only "love" songs she sings are remakes.  Either way, I love her music.  Does that make me bitter too??? 

I have an important warning for all of you with children.  There is a new epidemic going through my house and it could be headed your way.....MISSING SHOES!  I am pretty sure I have ranted in the past about missing socks, that I have an entire basket dedicated to the poor lonely souls.  Lately though, it has progressed into missing shoes.  Where are then going?  Is it the shoes way of protesting the mismatched socks on my children's feet?  I just don't know......I can tell you this, the shoes need to be found because as you may have guessed due to my "rental" I am not in a position to be buying these kids new shoes!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Watching Helplessly

Tuesday started off well enough. All four of the girls were off at school and I had a couple of hours to myself.  I didn't do anything exciting.  In fact, I can't even recall what I did Tuesday morning.  I do recall the early afternoon, I turned off my cellphone and took a nap. When I woke, I began to prepare dinner.

At 3:35pm, I stood by the stove, cutting up some veggies to put in with my roast, the phone began to ring.  Scott was looking all over for the phone and I stood there wondering why my house phones constantly disappear. Finally, he found a phone, answered and handed it to me.  It was my dear friend Jennifer and she was obviously upset and crying.  The only thing she said,  "Can you come over?"  In my panicked state, I told her, "Let me put this roast in the oven and I will be over.". In hindsight, what a stupid thing to say!  The truth is, I didn't put the roast in because all I could think about was getting to Jennifer. I grabbed my shoes, put them on while yelling to Scott, "Just follow the directions on the spice package!" and out the door I went.  In my heart I knew it was something with her Dad.  The whole way there, I hoped and prayed that it was something else, anything else but her Dad. 

You see, Jennifer's Dad was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease two years ago this coming March. If you don't know what Lou Gehrig's Disease is, look it up. There is no effective treatment, medication or a cure. It is a horrible disease that ravages ones body while leaving their mind perfectly intact.  Also, Jennifer's parents were in Florida on a two week vacation and she was to fly down Wednesday morning to help her Mom drive back home. 

When I walked in, I knew immediately that my suspicions were correct and I was pissed that I was right.  It was her Dad.  He had taken a turn for the worse that morning.  Her Mom took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with pneumonia.  Since David was adamant  about not being on a ventilator, they called in Hospice.  Jennifer had changed her flight in order to get there that evening. 

My job was friendship (and might I add, Webster's definition of friendship sucks!). Let me just say before I go any further, I am not boasting at all about my actions. My friends mean the world to me! I will do anything and everything I can to help and protect them if they need me to.  It's just that simple. Funny thing is, I have know Jennifer since I was five years old.  We were best friends until she moved away when we were in middle school.  It was a horrible tragedy in my little brain as I didn't know how tough life can be. Luckily, Jennifer introduced me to Michelle before she left. Time passed and then Jennifer came back into my life a little over a year ago.  But now I am getting off track, it's been a rough week so you'll have to forgive me. The bottom line is, I went to Jennifer's and tried to provide some comfort for her. The truth is, I did try my best but I feel like I fell short. I am not sure how anyone could feel like they made a difference when you know your friend is losing someone that means the world to them and you are a helpless to make it better.

I stayed with her until it was time to catch her flight.  At first she just wanted me to drop and go but they had called and said her flight was delayed.  This meant that she wouldn't make her connection and then she would not get to Florida that night.  It would be over my dead body that my girl wouldn't make it that night! When we got to the ticket counter, I explained the situation and they said, "We don't show that flight to be delayed". They were very helpful and kind, moving Jennifer to the front of both planes.  After everything was situated, I walked her as far as I was permitted to go. (Oh I wanna give a shout out to the terrorist who made it impossible for someone to wait with their loved ones till their plane departs). I walked away wishing I could hold her hand the entire way there. I cried the majority of the way home and couldn't sleep until she let me know that she had made it to her destination.

The next morning she sent me a text telling me that it wasn't good.  My heart sank and the tears came easily. In search of my own comfort, I called my sister to see if she wanted to have lunch.  She agreed and I made my way to pick up Olivia from school.  I got to the school and went to wait for them to release the kindergartners one by one. This particular day they were doing a fire drill and then releasing. As I stood there waiting a man came up to me and the conversation went like this:

(him) Are you a police officer?
(me) No
(him) Oh so your husband is the police officer?
(me) Yes 
(him) I can't believe you threw your cigarette butt out of your car window! That is littering, Shame on you!
*surveying my surroundings and realize the kids are out in their line*
(me) SERIOUSLY?  You are really lecturing me?
(him) I sure am!

Now at this point, I really wanted to tell him what I would really like to do with my cigarette butt but I had to think of the children.  Not to mention, I was having a very emotional day! He should be thanking his lucky stars right now that I didn't completely unload on his dumb ass. Anyway, my sister and I had lunch at Walmart because we are broke and they have a Subway.  After we ate, we each got some things that we needed and I took her back to work.  I felt a little better.

Around 2:35pm I got a text from Jennifer telling me it wouldn't be much longer. It was at this point that I began to cry. Then 15 minutes later, the text said, "Dad is at peace", I wanted nothing more than to be able to hug her and tell her it would be okay.  Instead, I sat and wept for their loss and spent the rest of the evening somberly laying on the couch.  Jennifer and her Mom flew home later that evening and truth be told, I was glad they were back. 

I am going to stop here for now because it has taken me over two hours to write this much!

To be continued.....

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

The Bitch Of Living

Yes, the bitch of living - Life!  My title is a song from what turns out to be a very depressing musical.  I have loved the music since the moment my sister introduced it to me.  However, I had never seen the actual production. This was until my God Daughter, sent me a YouTube link to a boot leg video.  WOW!  I never realized how intense and sad it all was.  The song title seems appropriate for how things have been going lately but the song is actually about teenage angst.

Once upon a Friday night, when I would have preferred to be out, my personal boojay (pronounced: "boo"-"jaa") advisor came over to put her excel spreadshit sheet formula on my computer.  She got it up and running and then I had to face reality.  One by one we went through the debt that floods my "To Pay" folder. *Not to be confused with a man's fake hair piece.* What I learned, there is no money in my "boojay" for anything.  In fact, there isn't even enough money to pay my bills. My advisor said, "How are you doing this every month?".    Truth? I have no fricken' clue! I can tell you this, I was keeping the boat afloat until the ole handy dandy renters decided to run us into an iceberg.  Now we can barely make it paycheck to paycheck.  Shortly after this counseling session was over, my financial advisor turned back into my dear friend and we promptly went to have a drink - which I might add, was not in the boojay!  However, I felt it important to calm my nerves down with the help of my other good friend, Captain Morgan.

The next evening, I invited another friend over.  She declined due to lack of funding or what my posse and I refer to as an  "Economic Crisis".  These times are simply depressing.  Now I was stuck at home; lonely, depressed and broke! *sigh*

Fast forward to last Thursday, I got up and decided I needed to make a list of bills that HAD to be paid on Friday.  I made the list and realized that there was no way that Scott's paycheck would cover all of them. This list stressed me out and I needed to escape this reality.  I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to have a meeting with my good buddy "Morgan" so instead I insisted that Scott take me out to dinner.  In the boojay??  Not only hell no but hell to the no!  However, in the interest of sanity, he took me out.  On the way home from dinner I got a text from Tammy telling me she would come visit me the next day due to my depressed state.  My reply, "I was thinking of escaping to you!" And so I did. 

I arrived at The Smith Inn a couple hours later.  It was a good escape from reality.  Tammy and I stayed up till four in the morning, listening to music (our favorite past time), talking about our woes and enjoying one another's company.  The next morning I took a long hot bath in her claw foot tub, she made me eggs, bacon and toast.  I give The Smith Inn a five star rating! Problem is, I had to go home at some point.

When I finally arrived back home, I had to face reality.  Reality bites people! I don't even remember what that movie was about but it should have been about my crappy financial state.  Blockbuster!  Turns out, there was about $1000 worth of bills that I couldn't pay.  (Did I mention that I love my x-renters?) There was a solution but Scott wouldn't hear of it.  His remarkable and earth-shattering advice, pay the essentials...house, car & insurance and utilities and then whatever else you can.  Really?  I never thought of that!  Love you honey....thanks so much for that helpful tip.  I was thinking of paying to have an addition built on the house!  EEERRRRR

After all the bills I could pay were paid, I had a little nervous breakdown in my car - good for the spirit I think. I spent the next couple days depressed on the couch.  Confession, I really didn't spend all my time on the couch. I spent some time driving the kids to different destinations and when I was home and able, I was on the couch. 

Sunday, I was down to only Sarah. Olivia was with my parents and Emma and Abigail had gone with Scott's Mom for the night and next day.  It was sorta peaceful around here with only one kid to manage.  Finally Monday rolled around and I was forced to hang wallpaper at our rental. 

A word of advice, if you buy wallpaper (which turns out to be next to impossible in 2011) make sure it is pre-pasted.  I had to order wallpaper thru Lowes because every wallpaper establishment this side of the Mississippi has gone out of business.  I could have sworn that the back of the swatch said pre-pasted.  I was wrong! I opened the wallpaper and was ready to get started when I looked down and thought to myself, "Hmmm, the back of this looks odd" then the directions fell out of the packaging.  Oh it was odd all right!

"Prepare wall by first applying sizing to the area you plan to wallpaper" (uh huh, uh huh) "Then using a paint brush or roller coat the back of wallpaper with a quality paste before hanging" (What? Paint or roll back of wallpaper with paste? Why would I do that?) 

Off I went to Lowes to buy wallpaper paste.  I do not recommend using wallpaper that requires you to paste the back.  In fact, I don't really recommend wallpapering at all.  It is truly a nightmare.  If you think that was bad, you'll love this!  I got three full strips up and realized the double roll would not be enough.  Back to Lowes to order more wallpaper.....Seriously bitter at ex-renters! None of this is my boooojay!

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Further Proof

Mopping my floor was for not!  Apparently mopping has the same effect on the environment as washing your car.  You see, I mopped my floor - it is snowing like crazy outside and everyone is tracking in slushy snow and footprints.  Wash your car and it will rain cats and dogs within 24 hours!

Just had to get that off my chest....

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity