Watching Helplessly

Tuesday started off well enough. All four of the girls were off at school and I had a couple of hours to myself.  I didn't do anything exciting.  In fact, I can't even recall what I did Tuesday morning.  I do recall the early afternoon, I turned off my cellphone and took a nap. When I woke, I began to prepare dinner.

At 3:35pm, I stood by the stove, cutting up some veggies to put in with my roast, the phone began to ring.  Scott was looking all over for the phone and I stood there wondering why my house phones constantly disappear. Finally, he found a phone, answered and handed it to me.  It was my dear friend Jennifer and she was obviously upset and crying.  The only thing she said,  "Can you come over?"  In my panicked state, I told her, "Let me put this roast in the oven and I will be over.". In hindsight, what a stupid thing to say!  The truth is, I didn't put the roast in because all I could think about was getting to Jennifer. I grabbed my shoes, put them on while yelling to Scott, "Just follow the directions on the spice package!" and out the door I went.  In my heart I knew it was something with her Dad.  The whole way there, I hoped and prayed that it was something else, anything else but her Dad. 

You see, Jennifer's Dad was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease two years ago this coming March. If you don't know what Lou Gehrig's Disease is, look it up. There is no effective treatment, medication or a cure. It is a horrible disease that ravages ones body while leaving their mind perfectly intact.  Also, Jennifer's parents were in Florida on a two week vacation and she was to fly down Wednesday morning to help her Mom drive back home. 

When I walked in, I knew immediately that my suspicions were correct and I was pissed that I was right.  It was her Dad.  He had taken a turn for the worse that morning.  Her Mom took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with pneumonia.  Since David was adamant  about not being on a ventilator, they called in Hospice.  Jennifer had changed her flight in order to get there that evening. 

My job was friendship (and might I add, Webster's definition of friendship sucks!). Let me just say before I go any further, I am not boasting at all about my actions. My friends mean the world to me! I will do anything and everything I can to help and protect them if they need me to.  It's just that simple. Funny thing is, I have know Jennifer since I was five years old.  We were best friends until she moved away when we were in middle school.  It was a horrible tragedy in my little brain as I didn't know how tough life can be. Luckily, Jennifer introduced me to Michelle before she left. Time passed and then Jennifer came back into my life a little over a year ago.  But now I am getting off track, it's been a rough week so you'll have to forgive me. The bottom line is, I went to Jennifer's and tried to provide some comfort for her. The truth is, I did try my best but I feel like I fell short. I am not sure how anyone could feel like they made a difference when you know your friend is losing someone that means the world to them and you are a helpless to make it better.

I stayed with her until it was time to catch her flight.  At first she just wanted me to drop and go but they had called and said her flight was delayed.  This meant that she wouldn't make her connection and then she would not get to Florida that night.  It would be over my dead body that my girl wouldn't make it that night! When we got to the ticket counter, I explained the situation and they said, "We don't show that flight to be delayed". They were very helpful and kind, moving Jennifer to the front of both planes.  After everything was situated, I walked her as far as I was permitted to go. (Oh I wanna give a shout out to the terrorist who made it impossible for someone to wait with their loved ones till their plane departs). I walked away wishing I could hold her hand the entire way there. I cried the majority of the way home and couldn't sleep until she let me know that she had made it to her destination.

The next morning she sent me a text telling me that it wasn't good.  My heart sank and the tears came easily. In search of my own comfort, I called my sister to see if she wanted to have lunch.  She agreed and I made my way to pick up Olivia from school.  I got to the school and went to wait for them to release the kindergartners one by one. This particular day they were doing a fire drill and then releasing. As I stood there waiting a man came up to me and the conversation went like this:

(him) Are you a police officer?
(me) No
(him) Oh so your husband is the police officer?
(me) Yes 
(him) I can't believe you threw your cigarette butt out of your car window! That is littering, Shame on you!
*surveying my surroundings and realize the kids are out in their line*
(me) SERIOUSLY?  You are really lecturing me?
(him) I sure am!

Now at this point, I really wanted to tell him what I would really like to do with my cigarette butt but I had to think of the children.  Not to mention, I was having a very emotional day! He should be thanking his lucky stars right now that I didn't completely unload on his dumb ass. Anyway, my sister and I had lunch at Walmart because we are broke and they have a Subway.  After we ate, we each got some things that we needed and I took her back to work.  I felt a little better.

Around 2:35pm I got a text from Jennifer telling me it wouldn't be much longer. It was at this point that I began to cry. Then 15 minutes later, the text said, "Dad is at peace", I wanted nothing more than to be able to hug her and tell her it would be okay.  Instead, I sat and wept for their loss and spent the rest of the evening somberly laying on the couch.  Jennifer and her Mom flew home later that evening and truth be told, I was glad they were back. 

I am going to stop here for now because it has taken me over two hours to write this much!

To be continued.....

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity