Where Oh Where Has The Insane One Gone??

Where oh where has the insane blogger gone? 
Oh Where?  Oh where can she be?

I would love to report my recent absence has been due to the fact that I had been institutionalized but no, I have simply been losing my mind of my own accord. Yes, I have been busier than a store on Black Friday! 

Let me catch you up to speed.  I took a part-time job at a local drug store, Olivia has gymnastics 16 hours per week, I babysit a little girl three days a week and then there's my crazy life.  I know this doesn't sound like much but I assure you, it is more of an undertaking than one might think.

My part-time work schedule consists of varied hours, therefore, I do not know what I am working week to week.  This makes it nearly impossible to prepare for the next week until it's almost too late.  I have a love-hate relationship with my job.  What I love about my job is being back out in the world, around other adults, nice and funny customers, a paycheck and 90% of my co-workers.  But of course, there are things I hate about it; working, stupid customers, working, asshole customers, working and not being able to do what I want when I want.  I have had several of my friends tell me my part-time job needs to be more part-time! 

Let's talk about customers, shall we?  As you know, I have a lot to say about the parents of competitive athletes.  I have discovered over my past three months of outside employment is there is a lot to be said about customers.  For instance, it has been said in the retail world, "The customer is always right!".  I am gonna throw out the bullshit card on this one. 

While I am all about being kind, courteous and helpful to a customer.  Just because you are paying for something doesn't mean you are always right.  The following are some examples: Trying to use a coupon that is clearly expired - not right! Accusing an employee of jacking up your pictures - just admit it, you are a crappy photographer!  Yelling at us because you have no patience when you are second in line, really?  My favorite thus far is the tourist (No, we do not live in a tourist area but apparently people visit family from another country).  Four people came up to the counter to make a $32.00 purchase.  They paid with a one hundred dollar bill, this in itself is not a huge deal.  Rather than try to make change from my cash drawer (which by the way, does not contain even close to change for a hundred dollar bill), I call my supervisor to give me five twenties.  I take three of the twenty dollar bills and hand them back to the "out of country" customer and proceed to use the other two as payment for their purchase. It quickly became apparent to me the customer was confused and for some unknown reason, was stacking all kinds of change on the counter.  What the?  I attempt to hand back the eight dollars in cash and was quickly told by the one English speaking person, that was not correct.  Ummm......really?  Not only am I proficient at making and counting back change, I can do it without the register screen that confirms I am correct.  I know, I know, I'm talented! This is not a trait you find in today's youth.  At this point, I have to explain the basics of making change and kindly tell these non-English speaking customers they are wrong.  After the five minute lesson in American currency, they bring up the mound of change they have placed upon the counter.  They want it converted to cash dollars.  REALLY?  Okay, I give them the cash for their change and finally they exit the store.  I don't clearly understand why the pharmacy isn't authorized to pass out Xanax after a rough customer. 

Chauffeur, my other part-time job.  Olivia's gymnastics schedule is very time consuming and has ruined any thought I had of sleeping in during the summer, not only for me but for her as well. We are at the gym from 8:30am till 12:45pm every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Saturday we get an extra 30 minutes of sleep because we don't have to be there until 9:00am.  WOOHOO!!! This schedule, in addition to my paid position at the drug store does not leave much time for any kind of adult fun (IE: Mom's Night Out). Wait!  That should have read, "does not leave ANY time!".    Since we live 30 minutes from the gym, this activity consumes around twenty-two hours of every week.  Now add in around sixteen to twenty hours of outside employment and you got yourself a full-time job. Mind you, this is just one child's schedule! 

Dance is a school calender activity and other than summer dance camp, which lasted one month of Mondays, we have had the summer off. However, you might be aware the new school year is about to begin and thus begins my life as a full-time chauffeur. You can imagine my excitement when Olivia's coach announced this fall the girls will continue with the sixteen hour a week training schedule.  One good thing is one of the girls' that lives here in town has been moved into Olivia's class and for the past couple weeks we have been carpooling!  I will list what my schedule will resemble below.

Sunday - More than likely work at least six hours

Monday - Kids off to school, work 9am to 2pm, Pick Olivia and Alivia up at school, drive to gymnastics, drive back home to get Abigail and Sarah to dance class.

Tuesday  - Kids off to school - possible dance class and/or assisting for Sarah and Abigail.

Wednesday - Kids off to school, hopefully no work, pick Olivia, Sarah and Alivia up at school, drive to gymnastics. Wait for Sarah's gymnastics class to be over and drive back home.

Thursday - Kids off to school, work at some point

Friday - Kids off to school, pick up Olivia and Alivia at school, drive to gymnastics, drive back home.

Saturday - drive to gymnastics and be there by 8:00am, drive home...work Saturday evenings. 

Now, mind you this is a rough schedule.  Abigail might be helping at the dance studio two or three nights a week in addition to her own classes.  The schedule also does not cover any school activities or household obligations such as cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.  I am completely and totally exhausted just thinking about what the next few weeks will bring.  This begs the question, how do full-time working Moms do it?  Truth be told, I could be a mean Mom and put the kabosh on every one's extra curricular activities.  However, I love that my girls have found activities they love and are good at!

If you have been missing me and my blog, you know understand why I have been M.I.A. as of late.  I have been trying to figure out how to blog from my smart phone but apparently you have to have a smart user as well! 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Hyper Insanity

It Didn't Take Long

No, it didn't take long for the drama to rear it's ugly head. Literally, I blogged just hours ago and by the end of gymnastics - Drama. HaaaLaaaa (does anyone know the correct spelling of this word? Hollaa, hollar...don't know and I am pretty confident my little insanity following knew precisely what I meant!)

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I am in charge of ballet lesson fees. After speaking to the gym owner, who then clarified with the team coach, I realized that the training team will only have one lesson per week. "Why does this matter Queenie?" you might be asking. No worries, I am about to tell you why it matters. In my mind, "I thought great news for those parents!" Less fees, lucky indeed. To be clear, their fee was only $16.00 a month for two, 30 minute classes per week. Now it's a whopping $8.00 a month. Lucky, doesn't even begin to describe what is going on in my mind! It just so happens the "training team" has class right after ours. I saw an opportunity to approach the parents and spread the fabulous news! It turns out my fabulous news ::::pregnant pause:::: was not so fabulous for everyone. Before I replay the conversation, I want to remind all of you of something important, do not and it bears repeating, do NOT kill the messenger. She is already hanging by the crown of her teeth (Dental humor)! The conversation went like this;

Moi: Good news! I made a mistake and your fee will only be $8.00 per month for ballet.
*I then explain my mistake which in hindsight should fall under misunderstanding*

Parental response: This isn't great news!  What do you mean they are only getting one ballet lesson per week?  Our girls are already getting short changed.  They are losing 30 minutes of gym time and we are still paying the same, plus the added cost of ballet lessons.

Moi:  With all due respect (and I have seen this class - mostly little bits), most of the girls will be good to make it through the 30 minute class. They just aren't at an age to handle anything longer.

Parent: MY DAUGHTER CAN HANDLE IT! She is seven years old and these girls are all ready behind and how will they catch up? My daughter was supposed to move up but they didn't have enough spots for her.  *I blacked out for a moment*

Moi: *Random sarcastic thoughts running through my head* Oh I didn't realize your daughter was that old.  However, my suggestion is to speak with the coach about this.  I am only in charge of collecting the money for ballet.

Parent:  Oh I will be talking to the Coach.  Blah, blah, blah, blah.......blah........blah.....blah blah blah

Moi:  (Starting to get worried about these black outs) Okay, well talk to the coach.  Have a nice day!

Exit stage left

NOW, this is a case of my daughter is a superstar if I ever saw it.  Do you remember my blog about how your child should be a super star in your eyes?  Again, I draw the line when you cross over the obvious reality. I have a very hard time believing that the coach just didn't have a spot for her in the next level.  He just re-evaluated all the girls and placed them accordingly - my child moved up.  A few kids got moved up, down and around.  I'm not the coach, I don't know what he sees but in my humble ole opinion, your child is more than likely where they belong - deal with it.

Sincerely,
The Queen Of Insanity

Let Summer Begin!

As I type this, all but one of my children are still passed out in their beds.  Yes, the time of year has arrived, summer break.  Most Mom's panic and worry what they will do with their little ankle biters home all summer.  I don't worry because I know exactly what I will do - Maintain insanity! 

Last week was busy.  Scott worked the Memorial Tournament all week and the kids finished up school on Thursday, we had dress rehearsal, dance recital, gymnastics/meeting and Sunday my niece graduated from The Ohio State University College Of Dentistry as a Dental Hygienist.  The dance recital was great and I have been dubbed "Teachers Pet" because I got to go in the back door of the venue and received a beautiful hanging basket.  I'm okay with it, it's probably the nicest thing I have been called in a long time and I like flowers!

Saturday morning I took Olivia to gymnastics a little early because as it turns out, I had a board meeting.  Okay, I hope you are sitting down.  Are you?  Alright, I have big news....I am now an official Member-at-Large on the CGA Amateur Athletics Board!  Isn't that exciting?  I am not really sure what it means other than I get to sit in on board meetings, vote and try to control my A.D.D. tendencies. Oh and collect money for summer ballet.  If they knew how broke I was right now, they might reconsider letting me collect cash from anyone!  (I feel since I put that out there I must state, I would NEVER steal money from anyone, let alone these hardworking girls).  In thinking about the title, "Member-at-Large", I might ask to have my new found title changed to Speaker of the House.  Lets be frank, shall we?  The reason I am now in cahoots with the board is because I have a big ole mouth. Things have calmed down a bit since the old president stepped down and I am looking forward to the next possible drama.

On Sunday, I got myself and the girls up and ready for Jessica's graduation.  I was only a mere five minutes late to my parents.  All things considered, I give myself an A for punctuality.  Yes, I gave myself an A because when I finally got there my Mom was still dilly dalling around in the house - hence we had to wait on her. I love how that worked out!  It's like I was there ten minutes early.

Now, I can't even begin to tell you the joy I felt sitting in an auditorium full of graduating dentists and dental hygienists.  One of my friends suggested I do some networking for future deals on dental work.  Truly a great idea had I only thought of it beforehand.  I could have made up business cards:

The Queen of Insanity
AKA: Dental Nightmare
Please call 555-1212 when
you need a little extra pro-bono
experience

Honestly, I was honored to be there to watch her walk across the stage and graduate from college. You go girl!  Go out there and be a dental nazi! I will still love you. 

Well this is it for now...I will continue blogging about this week week when I get around to it.

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

What Ever Has Our World Come To?

I am about to tell you what kind of horrible Mother I am.  First I have to cut and paste a post from my girls' middle school PTO website, which I thought was simply supposed to be a place to exchange information about school activities. Apparently, I was wrong to assume this!  It is obviously a place to vent about the bad behavior of parents, middle school clothing and whatever.  Anyway, once you have read, I will comment. 

The Post

Ok normally I don't use my PTO page to vent, but I would like to take a minute to share something with you all.
Last week I attended the 7th grade choir concert, which all the young men and ladies were looking very nice and you could tell they had been practicing because they sounded amazing!

HOWEVER, what I couldn't help notice were how rude the audience was.
Seriously there were kids (that were there with parents) getting up and running around in the middle of the performance, there were adults, students, and younger children continuously going in and out of the gym while the kids were singing.
... There was one group of kids that were yelling!! literally yelling, there were people getting up to take phone calls, I could go on, but bottom line is it was totally rude and disrespectful to the students that have been practicing and singing, and got all dressed up to perform for you.

To top it off the performance wasn't even that long. It's not like you were asked to sit there for hours, or even A HOUR. These are your kids too!
We expect our children to do their best, but then we can't give them a half hour of our attention to see what they have been working for.

Please parents & students if you must get up to take that call or move to sit by your friends that just came in wait until they are not in the middle of performing at the least!!

I will say not EVERYONE was rude and disrespectful, I did see a couple of people acting like there was a performance going on and was very pleased to see some students waiting to change seats until the kids were done singing!

There that is my 2 cents... :-)

 

Okay, it's me The Queen of Insanity again. Normally, I would be one of "these" parents but I would use The Insanity Chronicles as my outlet rather than a PTO website.  Why?  I am about to tell you, no fear friends!  My reason for using the Insanity Chronicles rather than the school function is because I don't think it's my place to tell other adults how to act to their face.  I would much rather chastise them here, plain and simple. 

 

What I would love to have said in response to this parent is, "Look, I have been in excruciating tooth pain since Monday, had my gums sliced open and my tooth drilled open to release infection yesterday, my face is swollen up like a balloon, I am taking antibiotics and pain killers, I just sat at gymnastics for two hours straight - 20 minutes away and haven't eaten real food since Tuesday!  If my four year old was irritating to you as she ran across the gymnasium floor to get a drink of water and then out the door to go to the restroom and back, sorry I honestly could have cared less.  At that moment, if she was hanging from one of the basketball hoops screaming Booty Wurk at the top of her lungs, I wouldn't have minded.  Oh and yeah, my phone rang toward the end of the performance, I thought I turned my ringer off but to err is human. Since I really didn't want to be there in the first place, I took the call.  Yup, I sure did!  I did however, get up and go outside to hold my conversation.  Again I am sorry, my caller didn't realize they were calling in the middle of a performance!"

 

Listen, the truth hurts.  I was clearly in no mood to be there but felt a moral obligation as a parent to support my daughter (who consequently knows and understands I am unable to control my A.D.D. at these type of events).  How about next time you have box seating for me instead of pull out side bleachers where I can't even see my kid from and I won't get on your nerves?  Do I sound angry?  I'm not really just found the post a little irritating because I, for once, was one of "those" parents she was referring to.  Yeah, I took it personal. 

 

I was also a little irritated about some of the comments following the above mentioned post in regards to the way some of the girls were dressed.  My daughter was completely appropriate so I didn't take a personal offense to it so much as I just felt that it wasn't there place to judge those poor girls.  Seriously, those girls probably felt beautiful in their bright neon green hoochie mama dresses with their high heels on.  Personally, I am only jealous I can't walk in heels to save my life!

 

In conclusion, I just wanted to let you all know that I am NOT even close to the Top 10 Mothers of the Year Award this year.  I know this is a disappointment since you all were planning a big celebration for me but lets hold out hope, there's always next year!

 

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity

Another Day In Paradise

Last Monday I was sitting in a training class for my new part-time job at a local drug store, when I was struck with a throbbing pain in one of my molars.  I knew right away exactly which tooth it was and that I was in for a dentist visit.  I did my best to try and ignore it, hoping against hope the pain would subside.  You know that didn't happen, right?

The next morning I woke in pain and decided to try the heating pad.  The heating pad didn't do much of anything.  By the end of the day, I looked like I was carrying around a hump back whale on my face.  I made a dentist appointment for Thursday, however when I woke up Wednesday morning I knew there was no way possible to make it till Thursday.  Off to the dentist I went and I am not going to bore you with the gory details - just know the trip ended up giving me minimal relief. 

I quickly realized my soft toothbrush was not quite soft enough so I went and purchased an extra soft.  It made all the difference! I think you are up to date on this situation. 

Tonight's conversation with my soon to be five year old;

Sarah:  MOM!  I cleaned Lilly's (our dog) teeth!
Me:  Oh yeah?  With what? 
Sarah:  Water. Her teeth were very dirty!
Me:  Just water?
Sarah:  Yes and a toothbrush.
Me:  Who's toothbrush Sarah?
Sarah:  Oh the one you and daddy don't use.
Me:  Hmmmm.....may be you should go get the toothbrush you used.
*Sarah leaves to get the toothbrush*

At this point I am thinking to myself, "I do have a toothbrush in my shower that I use to clean the tracks of the shower door.  I am sure that's the one she used......yeah, that's the one"

*Sarah comes back with toothbrush*
Need I say more?

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

One Day At A Time

Great news, yesterday was without incident!  I waited all day with baited breath for some calamity to strike but nothing happened.  WOOT WOOT!  In fact I got some good news, they found Olivia's sandals at the gym.  Where were they?  In the bathroom trashcan.  Which begs the question, "Who would put her sandals in the trash?"  I could ponder on this idea for some time but I am going to focus on the positive - Sandals were found and that's enough for me.

The past month (give or take a year) has been very trying, so much has happened in just the past week and it has given me pause.  I have come to the conclusion, I must take it one day at a time. I have seen a quote on Facebook floating around a lot lately; Sometimes we expect more from others, because we'd be willing to do much more for them.  This particular quote is so true in so many ways.  But it also begs the question, "Are my expectations realistic?". In my humble ole opinion, I would say the answer to this is split and complicated. I am going to examine this phenomenon of expectations. 

Please hold for a moment while I reference my Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary..........
Thank you for patience, I decided I am going with Dictionary.com again because it is easier to cut and paste. Not to mention, my dictionary made it more complicated than it had to be.  Please see the definition posted below.

ex·pec·ta·tion

   /ˌɛkspɛkˈteɪʃən/ Show Spelled[ek-spek-tey-shuhn] Show IPA

noun

1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in

2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4. something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

Today we will be discussing expectation in explanation to definitions 1-4.  Let's face it, definition five does NOT apply to me or any of my friends at this juncture.

Now that you have had time to review, contemplate and absorb the definitions of expectation, I would like to begin by giving some examples of unrealistic and realistic expectations, k?

Unrealistic Expectations

1.  Expecting your flowers/plants to thrive when you don't tend to them.

2.  Expecting people not to stare when you wear your pajamas in public.

3.  Expecting your car to get you 100 miles away when your gas light is on.

4.  Expecting the sun to shine every day.

5.  Expecting everyone to love you unconditionally.

Realistic Expectations

1.  You will have to pay taxes.

2.  You will die at some point.

The truth is expectations are just that - expectations. Not only are they expectations but they are YOUR'S and YOUR's alone.  You can will it to happen, want it worse than anything in this world and it won't make it so.  Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to steal anyone's joyous outlook on the world.  In this life you are going to be let down by someone or something because you have made an unrealistic assumption (You know what they say about assuming, right?). To this I say, sometimes you need to lower your expectations.  Just because someone doesn't meet your expectations doesn't mean you should love them any less and vice versa, nor does it mean you should write them off.  Sometimes people have a lot on their own plates, get caught up in their busy lives and are wise enough to know when you really need them and when you don't.  And sometimes, just sometimes you need to reach out out to them and let them know you need their help. 

There are also times when you need not get caught up in people's choices despite how they affect your plight.  For instance, when people make a commitment to something and then half way in realize they aren't able to keep their promise. They knew the rules going in and if they choose to take another avenue, so be it! All you do really is smile and tell them you are really sorry they won't be there. There are consequences for everything and while it stinks for you, may be just may be they will look back one day and realize they could have handled it better. 

Life is full of lessons!  We are constantly learning, growing and changing - I am certainly an example of this.  I am not the same person I was at 25, 30 or 35 years old, now there are things that are inherent about me therefore I won't ever loose them.  Honestly, I love that I am outspoken and loud at times.  I also think my friends appreciate this about me because they always know where they stand with me. You should always be willing to lower your expectations and take the good with the bad. This is unless, you are being seriously abused and my suggestion to you is run like there's no tomorrow and never look back. 

Sincerely,
The Queen of Insanity

Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

Perspective as defined by Dictionary.com (because I am too lazy to use my Meriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary);

per·spec·tive

   /pərˈspɛktɪv/ Show Spelled[per-spek-tiv] Show IPA

noun

1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.

2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.

3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.

4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.

5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.

We are going with the last three as they apply to my blog today.

Yesterday my twins had their 13 year check-ups.  Since their appointment was before the end of their school day, I had to pick them up early from school.  As I drove up to the school I noticed a group of about 10 boys chasing one boy wearing a white hoodie.  I saw one of them grab the hoodie in an attempt to catch him.  All of the sudden the boy was on the ground and all the kids were surrounding him.  At this point I had passed the scene and pulled into the school parking lot, my plan was to drive over to the area and make sure this kid was alright. However, as I turned into the school lot I saw a Deputy headed my way, so I flagged him down and told him what I saw. He informed me they were just horse playing, he had just been over there.  I begrudgingly took his word for it and sat in my car for a few minutes to assess the situation myself.  When I felt sure this kid was in no real danger, I went in and signed my girls out.

In this world, there are so many times we need to be sure of what we are really seeing.  The vast majority of times, we rely on our own perceptions. This is okay a great deal of the time.  Your perception speaks to your intuition and overall, this is a great tool.  However, there are times that what you see and what's really there are entirely different. For this reason, I implore you to always use a little something called logic when figuring out a given situation.  Don't be hasty in jumping to a conclusion about someones motives or actions.  The truth is, you don't know without being in the other persons shoes.  Their perception is their reality. 

As you all know (because you are a loyal followers) I have had quite a run of it lately.  All the drama with the dog, the appliances and so on. By Monday night I was exhausted of energy.  There was absolutely no way I could go on caring about all of these problems crumbling about me and made the decision to just let it go and move forward.  I do this a lot you know...I get all these obsessive compulsive thoughts going on and then after an unknown origin of time, done! I woke up yesterday and had a wonderfully touching post on my facebook from a very dear friend - I needed to hear it.  I thought, "Okay, this is good! This is going to work!".  A new attitude had invaded me!  My day went fairly well and then it happened.

I had just started dinner after returning home from gymnastics with Miss Liv.  Happily frying up some ground beef to make marzeti (frying because my stove is still broke and I can only use the burners) and then it happened - the phone rang.  I answered the phone, it was the dance studio calling to ask me to come up.  In my mind I thought okay, I gotta go - no biggie!  Told Scott I was leaving and asked him to finish up dinner. I suppose I thought they needed me for a costume issue or to watch, I don't know what I thought really.  When I got to the studio, I was met by one of her dance teachers at the door.  She said, "Every thing's okay, don't panic but Abigail had a little accident".  I didn't hear screaming or moaning so I assumed she was somewhat okay.  She went on to tell me part of the floor had given way and Abigail's leg went down into it. 

Now, my first duty was to make sure with my own eyes that Abigail was okay.  I gave her a good look over, I found she was no worse for the wear, she could walk and even though she was shaken up a bit, had some scrapes and bruises were sure to follow, I knew she would live.  I took it in stride knowing that this could only happen to my child. Can I get an Amen?

Of course, now she's okay but I quickly realize her teacher is not.  I assured her there was no reason to fret! This is just another notch in my black cloud.  "Lets face it," I said, "If it wasn't her it would have been Sarah!" (who had class earlier in the day).  This evoked laughter because oddly enough, the spot in the floor is exactly where little bit stands in dance class.  I told them had it been Sarah she would have gone all the way through, landed, looked up and said, "REALLY?". It's just how she rolls! The bottom line is, while it sucks Abigail's leg went through the floor and it tried to swallow her up, it could have been a lot worse.  THAT, my friends is perspective! 

What I have gained through all this torment lately is I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  You aren't always going to come out on top in every situation but you can certainly try.  You can also try to remain calm, silent, listen and wait for the lesson you are being taught. It's a choice.

In closing I offer you this......

Sincerely,

The Queen of Insanity